This article was originally published on BetterAfter50.com.
I'm working really hard at dealing with last week's news. After all it's so last week and I should be way beyond that now.
This morning I took this Positivity test before I wrote my weekly BA50 blog to see how I would score.
Let's just say, I need work. My Positivity score has a lot of room for improvement. (I got the equivalent of a C-minus).
I think I will try this test again tomorrow, after I write, after I absorb a few positive thoughts and see if reframing my attitude through writing can alter my Positivity ratio.
Here's the background on my low score today.
My older boy has been living in Seattle for the past year and it's actually been ok -- we still see each other a lot. He gets back east at least every two months and we talk several times a week. I have gotten used to it because I truly believe he will eventually move back East (I may be deluded but that works for me).
The Seattle geography issue has been softened because I've had my younger boy on the same coast, in the same time zone and even in the same city.
But no longer....
This month, both boys will claim their primary residences on the West coast -- in different states but both on the "Other" coast. Ouch!
Even though I know in my heart, these moves have resulted in fantastic career opportunities for both of them -- one in Entertainment and the other working in marketing on cutting edge product launches -- it still feels like a huge loss!
My boys tell me what a great mom I am. They reassure me that the reason they can adventure West is because I encouraged independence and experimentation. They reminded me that taking risks -- calculated ones -- creates depth of character, they tell me that's what I taught them.
I tell them that's true -- but why can't we just live locally and think globally -- why must we live globally?
They tell me the West has spectacular weather and an easier life style than New York offers.
"Maybe," I respond. "Just know the playground of the West is not secure. The traffic is insane, there is no water to drink, pollution levels are extreme and earthquakes are overdue."
I send them a copy of the recent New Yorker article about the overdue earthquake on the pacific coast- the "REALLY BIG ONE".
It's not that I'm trying to make them anxious -- I missed that boat. I should have worked on that in their formative years. They are confident young men and they are not needy at all. That normally is a source of pride but I'm not feeling proud. I've become the child in this relationship with a severe case of separation anxiety.
I know this is not rational, I know my thinking is a bit upside down. I'm not proud of it. I want to be happy for them and mean it. (Right now I'm faking it).
So here's what I've decided to do rather than mope and feel like I must be the worst mom ever -- and lay awake each night feeling like a piece of me has been ripped away. I've decided to focus on the good stuff and I think this could shift my sad little brain. I also think I could UP my Positivity score. So here's my "blog" for today.
- You can have lunch with them. Noon in New York is 9:00 am on the west coast. Your lunch is their breakfast. You don't have to skip a meal.
Perhaps you can help me figure out why it's great when your kids move away.