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One Former Dittohead's Thoughts on the Rush Story

Did something happen with Rush Limbaugh in the news recently? Hmm...I must've missed it. Oh wait...there it is. Wow! That can't be good. That brings up a whole host of questions, none of which the mainstream media are going to ask. The one question they will ask is "what affect will this have on Rush's listeners," and the answer is "none at all." I was a big fan during the first 'Rush in Rehab' incident, and it didn't affect me in the least. Frankly, I was more disappointed in his allegations of a 'liberal sports media' propping up an 'overrated Donovan McNabb' than I was about the drug thing. Now THAT was just stupid.

But Rush's handling of is initial drug problems was brilliant. Step 1--Find a Scapegoat. From the word 'go' Rush would blame a partisan D.A. with a personal axe to grind as being behind the doctor shopping charge. Step 2--Admit No Guilt. Rush would assure the audience that he had done nothing illegal. That he had an addiction to prescriptions that he had acquired through proper channels. Step 3--Own the Problem. Rush did his last show before going off the air for a month to explain that he had a problem. It wasn't a 'disease' or a 'weakness,' it was a failure. As such, he was going to overcome it.

Rush's stroke of genius came at the end. Most folks who go into rehab do so from a position of weakness. They say things like "I apologize to my friends and family...I'm sorry I let everyone down...I need help." Rush goes into rehab from a position of strength by saying "I don't want you folks to think I'm a hero." Initially there was no danger of the dittohead nation considering Rush as a hero. But after he said it, that's exactly what I thought. "Rush is so selfless. He's really walking the walk here. He's taking personal responsibility for his actions. He really IS a hero."

I'm not exactly sure how he'll do it, but this time won't be any different. If I had to guess I'd say the dittohead nations' reaction would be, "He had someone else's name on his Viagra prescription. Big deal. I'm sure all celebrities use pseudonyms for their prescriptions to protect their medical privacy." It seems that medical records are the only records Rush considers sacrosanct when it comes to privacy rights. No matter how he spins it, though, Rush will come out of this looking like a hero to his audience. That's what the mainstream media will cover, and they won't ask any of the following questions:

Maybe the rules for 'probation' are different, but I thought you could only leave the state for business purposes and only then with permission. How did Rush get permission to take a vacation out of the country?

As vacations go, this one was pretty short. On Friday night Rush was in Washington D.C. hosting a big, masturbatory "We Must Torture Or We Will Die" panel featuring the writers from the TV series '24.' Then on Monday he's detained at the airport after returning from has vacation in the Dominican Republic. Maybe it's different when you have a private plane (Rush tools around in a Gulf Stream IV called 'E.I.B. 1'), but I don't normally take weekend vacations out of the country. Doesn't two days seem a little short?

Kind of in line with the above question, the Dominican Republic is kind of known as a 'Sex Tourism' destination. Doesn't it at least LOOK bad that Rush got busted with someone else's Viagra coming back from a short trip to a country where the 'service sector' has overtaken all others as the largest employer?

Ah, but I'm sure it's all harmless. He was probably just scouting out a tobacco field for a line of 'El Rushbo' cigars. And the Viagra? That's probably just left over from the '24' panel.

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Know what I mean? Eh? Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge. That lade in the photo...does she 'go'? Eh? Know what I mean? Oh, she's a writer for '24?' Say no more!

Like I said, I'm sure it's all harmless. But whatever the outcome remember this. Don't think of Rush as a hero. He wouldn't want it that way, and neither would I.