Yes, there really is one thing that is a surefire way to make your sex life better. And the surprising thing is that it doesn't have to do with sex at all.
Unlike my other posts where I refer to different experts and references, this post has only one expert ...me! As a state-licensed therapist with over 30 years experience, I have given this piece of advice often and seen it work with thousands of individuals and couples who have come to me.
Are you ready for this secret magic tip? Pay attention - here it is!
Be creative out of bed. Yes, sounds like a simple thing to do and it really is if you're willing to put a little time and thought into it. To help you understand what I mean, I'm going to give you a few examples I've suggested to couples and have seen work wonders.
Think about the first place you kissed your partner (this works equally well with girlfriends and spouses). Maybe it was at your local beach at sunset. Go back to the beach and find a lovely shell. Clean it up and take it to one of those frame places where they can place it in a clear acrylic box (it's glued in place) with some sand you've brought back from the beach. When it's done, you have a lovely paperweight to give her as a reminder of that first kiss. You will score many brownie points for this.
First, it is a very romantic thing to do. Most women really enjoy romance and are very excited to see their man showing romantic tendencies. Second, it says that you remember your first kiss with her. That's a very meaningful thing for most women and knowing that you remember it too creates a close bond. Third, you've gone to the trouble of getting the sand and shell and having something special done with it for her. This is a very personal gift, one that would only have meaning for her. This shows that you really care for her and want to do something that is genuinely special. No one else will give her this gift. It's one of a kind.
Now let's say she puts the paperweight on her desk at work. Every time she looks at it, she will think of her guy and how wonderful he is. He is thoughtful, caring, romantic, and creative. This will bring many positive feelings and will carry over when she comes home and sees you. By the time you go to bed, thoughts of what a great guy you are will still be in her head, and help her feel open and free with you. She will want to please you and satisfy you because you have made her happy.
I'm not suggesting that the only reason to do this is to have better sex, but that, in my personal experience as a therapist, has always been one of the outcomes with this tip. Of course, the men I've suggested this to have come back to me and told me that, often much to their own surprise, they found that they got excited about this too. They enjoyed doing something different and special (and it doesn't have to be expensive) and they loved seeing the special person in their lives get so excited, emotionally and physically. They found that they enjoyed the sex better as well.
Here's one more example to help you get started.
Get a bunch of different colored post-it notes. Sit down and write a short and true thing on about 15 or 20 of them. These should be something nice about your partner. It should also be personal, but not sexy. Try and write things that show you remember meaningful times you've shared together.
You could say "Thank you for taking such good care of Josh (your 3 year old) when he broke his finger", or "Your home-made soup is the best cure for any cold." You can refer to moments just the two of you have shared, or something that happened where her support and emotional strength really made a difference for you.
When you've got them all done, place them around the house in spots where only she'll find them. You can put a few out each day for a week, maybe in the fridge on top of the yogurt she eats each morning or in her gym bag with her weight gloves, or stuck on her yoga mat.
The pleasure she'll get finding these positive expressions of your love and appreciation of her will definitely carry over into the bedroom ... I've never seen it fail!
These are just a couple examples to get you thinking. Let your mind wander and give yourself a chance to be as creative as you want.
These are just a couple examples to get you thinking. Let your mind wander and give yourself a chance to be as creative as you want. You'll not only have better sex, you'll have fun!