'Onion News Network': High Unemployment, Face Tattoos Linked (VIDEO)

WATCH: Face Tattoos, Unemployment Linked?!

You may think the nation's high unemployment is due to the recession, but that's not the whole story. Have you noticed that up to 35% of Americans now have tattoos on their face? Neither did we, but that's why "Onion News Network" is here to inform of us of these important things.

"Just because I clearly lack good judgement doesn't mean I won't make a good employee," argued one poor man with tribal designs covering nearly his entire face.

As you'll see in the hard-hitting segment above, the facial tattoo trend is forcing millions of Americans to forgo getting jobs -- and Joe Biden's not exactly helping things.

Catch "ONN" on IFC Fridays at 10:00 p.m. EST/9:00 CST.

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