Transforming does not mean you are perfect. Like everything else, it is a process. Once I made God the center of my life, I knew I had "broken through." Others, too, started to take notice. One day, speaking with a girlfriend about how people act, I told her people are just who they are, that it is our choice to accept or reject their behavior. She looked at me and said, "I don't like this new you; this person is too logical." I had to laugh at that, because I knew she was used to the "old me," the one who would agree with her and say, "I don't know what's wrong with people." That was the first time I realized I was changing and was able to start accepting the changes in me. Another time, I went out to dinner with an ex and he told me I seem different. I smiled and said "I am different." I had started to look at people through different lenses.
I began to understand what my pastor had preached for years: "We live life in levels and experience it in stages. The person you are today cannot sustain you where God wants to take you. You have to change." I was moving to a new level in my life and my character was beginning to maintain me there. In essence, I was maturing and taking responsibility for my actions. I understood that nothing that would happen to me would surprise God. More importantly, I determined that I would choose God's plan for my life.
With that realization in mind, I knew I was close to a breakthrough, and I was ready for it when it came. It said my past does not define me. Rather it prepares me, and I could now choose to learn from it. I no longer allowed the baggage from my past to poison my future.
I knew I could not change the past, so I focused on what I could change, knowing full well that what's done is done. I would no longer keep reliving what had happened to me before, but would let it all go, so I could move forward. I started to change my conversation, from one of vic-tim to one of vic-tor, finally understanding that where I was going was much more significant than where I had been.
Moving forward and leaving the past in the past created space for me to take advantage of opportunities. I knew that God was responsible for the opportunities that found me. One was to leave New York and relocate to relocate to a southern state for a temporary teaching job.
This caused some hesitation that lasted a few days, as I started to over-analyze the situation, in my old way of wanting to feel I was in control. My thoughts overwhelmed me and made me feel anxious. Why would I go away from the safety and security of what was familiar?
Then I tried my new way: I took it to God in prayer. I turned my mind off and listened to my heart. I decided to take the opportunity. I thought, the only way I will really know is by taking a step of faith. I took a giant step and relocated.
Making that decision felt great. I was building my life. It made me think, what had I been doing before?
What would it take for you to move forward with your life? For me, it took God. God showed me to have faith in Him, to know that He will never leave me. I had to take Him at His word. Through reading God's word, I learned a new lesson--at least it was new to me. I learned that my first priority is to keep me happy. What is your first priority?
Here's my challenge to you:
Quit reliving the past, nursing the wounds. Let go of it and move forward. You can't change your past, but you can create your future and move forward into it. Ask yourself this: When I am stuck in the past, what am I not saying "Yes" to?
Excerpt taken from Dr. Stuart's book, "The Audacity of Self." Available for purchase on Amazon.com and Barnesand Noble.com