An Open Letter To My Twin Bed

Dear generic twin bed in my college dorm room,

I decorated you with a beautiful bedspread and colorful pillows in hopes that I could lie down and rest.

But even after all that, I still can't sleep. I've tried many different methods to trick my mind into dozing off. I've counted sheep, but the age-old trick I was once told would help me only seems to make matters worse. I've read my assigned readings for my philosophy class. But, alas, not even Descartes can bore me to bed. I've even tried some "how to sleep" tips, courtesy of the Google search engine.

Wikihow.com, for example, suggests 52 tips -- some I've tried, some I know for a fact won't work:

1. "Soundproof your room" -- Sadly, in college, soundproofing my room is not an option, as I can normally hear both my suitemates and floormates 24/7.

10. "Use aromatherapy and scent solutions" --Scents just make me sneeze.

And my personal favorite:

34. "Limit Daytime Naps" -This suggestion is actually impossible. I am at the newspaper office from about 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. Naps are the only reason I function.

In fact, my whole schedule is reversed -- 4 a.m. feels more like 4 p.m., class at noon requires caffeine to get me energized and cereal = dinner.

In addition to my four classes, I am an editor at my college paper -- which is fun but definitely time consuming. On average, I sleep about four hours a night, which isn't too bad.

I think I feel worse when I sleep five hours because it's not long enough to make you feel rested and it's not short enough to be a nap. Then again, maybe that's my twisted logic.

My dad made me look up Dr. Sanjay Gupta's CNN primetime special "Sleep" from 2006 because apparently Dr.Gupta also has sleep issues.

In his article "To sleep, perchance to live," Dr.Gupta said scientists say being chronically sleep deprived can raise your risk of obesity, heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

Thanks, scientists. Now I'm sleep deprived and stressed.

So in the end, maybe I'm an insomniac or maybe I just drink too much coffee. All I know is that after one year of college, I've already turned into a night owl.

My only comfort is knowing that I make up the 11 percent of American college students that don't sleep well.

It's time to kill time by playing Robot Unicorn Attack or Bejeweled Blitz.

The night is forever young for the insomniacs like me.

Thanks a lot, twin bed.

Sincerely,

Sleepless Saba