August 20, 2007.
Mark the date. That will be the day that Iraq will finally have to get its house in order. Oil deal in the parliamentary bank. Iraqi fighters taking over the fight from our boys. At least that's what Bill O'Reilly announced to the Folks™ on his radio show today. He would be giving the Iraq situation two more months or it's adios as far as Bill is concerned.
So now even Bill is ready to start the - excuse the expression - Countdown.
You can almost excuse Bill's boatload of inane comments that he'll spin tomorrow when he gets the blowback..
"I don't care about the Iraqis. I'll be honest."
I knew that he didn't care about the people who are dying in droves, but the "being honest" part. That's breaking news.
Against showing so many bombings, he compared car accidents in the U.S. to bombing in Iraq. "Should we broadcast all the car accidents?" While it would make a great Fox show, no one makes an insipid analogous argument sound as macho as Bill.
American disfavor with the war "isn't a moral issue," but because "we're not winning." Kind of like rooting for the Oakland Raiders, except for the fact that their poor play and lack of post-war planning hasn't gotten anyone killed...lately.
All pretty much Bill being Bill, but giving President Bush and the Folks™ a "drop-dead" date for the war he cheerlead us into? Well, that's the type of gutsy rebirth that could almost close down SweetJesusIHateBillOReilly.com. Almost.
Not that we have to worry about holding Bill to his word. After all he admitted to "being honest." But it might not hurt to keep Bill mindful of his deadline. Now, it isn't beyond reality that the Surge will turn it all around by August 19. I mean there is such a thing as a 10,000 year storm that could end up burying L.A. under six feet of snow. Never happened before but it is statistically possible.
So, in case the storm doesn't hit, I think it would behoove some civic-minded daily television show to give us an up to the minute COUNTDOWN through the next two months so that Bill and his cracked staff won't forget Monday, August 20, 2007. If all goals have not been met, I expect him to use the same patriotic effort he used to bankrupt France, denounce secular-progressive professors, badger Rosie and drive the Folks™ to buy some great Factor Gear, to get the troops home faster than you can say, "name and town, name and town, name and town."
August 20th. What a "Best Person of the Day" day you can make it, Bill.
Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" www.greatfailure.com and his weekly Sunday column appears to the left of Bill O'Reilly's every Sunday in the L.A. Daily News.