Outrage Over MacArthur Genius Awards

In a stunning stub, the MacArthur Foundation once again overlooked Steven Clifford in awarding their $675,000 "genius grants."

"This is an insult to all thinking people in America," said Phyllis Fletcher, Professor of Media Studies at the University of Wisconsin. "Clifford is a national hero for revealing that outsize CEO pay was interfering with CIA recruitment of Syrian rebels." Noting that the United States had spent $500 million to recruit, train and deploy seven rebel fighters, Clifford charged that potential recruits were asking why be a soldier for $70 million when they could be a CEO and make over $100 million.

"Clifford has long been considered the nations leading public intellectual," columnist George Will remarked. "He's the guy who had the courage and street cred to demand that straight white guys be denied the vote. Those MacArthur juries are mesuganah."

"The MacArthur Foundation's cavalier inanity is more than an affront," said Noam Chomsky. "It is a crime. Clifford was always a prolific author, but last year the polymath outdid himself, writing a dozen brilliant best sellers."

Books written by Clifford last year addressed astonishing variety of topics including:

Human Behavior: Why Do Men Like Sex?
Children's Books: Oh The Wonderful Things That Come out of Your Nose
Pornography: Sex Kittens Party With Zombies While The Pom Pom Girls Go Shopping
Biography: Dan Quayle Reconsidered: Satan or Savior?
Science: Light Is A Virus: A Layman's Guide to String Theory
Cooking: A Soupcon of Umami: Cooking with Salvia
Memoir: Why Doesn't Anyone Like Me? My Achingly Painful Coming of Age
How To: Picking Your Ears For Fun and Profit
History: The definitive three-volume history of Uruguay
Uruguay 1512-1838: What a Bunch of Jerks
Uruguay 1839-1911: The Era of The Roaring Assholes
Uruguay 1912-2014: Not the Sharpest Tools in the Shed

"This is vindictive act of political correctness," Donald Trump charged. "Those MacArthur weenies humiliated Clifford because he defended me." Clifford had called Trump "a principled, selfless candidate." Arguing that Trump's 12 domestic golf courses and five luxury hotels would go bankrupt if prohibited from hiring illegal immigrants, Clifford concluded that, "Trump will not violate his principles for any amount of money."

"I'm not bitter," Clifford stated, "but I could use the money." Reportedly Clifford suffered large losses in Fantasy League Politics having wasted his first two draft picks on Scott Walker and Rick Perry.