Are you lonely and yearning for the mom friends everyone else seems to make effortlessly? Tired of the same suggestions to go to mommy and me classes and library storytime? Here are some more original ways to "find your tribe," as those obnoxious already-popular other moms say. Because you aren't some baby music class attending conformist.
1. Grab her in baby GAP.
Don't be shy. Just because a mom is overloaded with three kids under five and has a cart full of baby clothes doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk. Ignore it when she asks who you are and tells you she has to go chase after her toddler that just ran out of the mall. She's just playing hard to get.
2. Invite yourself to her house for dinner.
Conversations at preschool pickup don't have to end at preschool pickup. Flirtatiously say, "I think this conversation could be best continued over lasagna. Your house, 6pm?" Her open mouth indicates that she's impressed with your openness. A best friendship is in the making. Remind her your oldest is gluten-free and likes chicken as an alternative to pasta.
3. Start jogging on her same schedule.
Look out your window for a week, jotting down the times that she runs past your house with her jogging stroller. Plot these data points using any statistical software you have handy and you're ready to go. Linger outside your house until you spy her coming, and then casually start running in step with her. Do this every day for a week and it's like you're running buddies, which is the first step to best friends and soulmates.
4. Have her kids over for a playdate.
Just take them home with you after preschool if she's running late. Leave a note with your address in their cubbies. Also, your name, since you guys have never talked in real life. Expert tip: remember to add a smiley face to the note or she could think of this as weird instead of super considerate.
5. Seduce her husband.
You know he plays basketball with some other neighborhood guys in the evenings. Start flirting with him and telling him how unhappy you are in your marriage. Sleep with him a maximum of two times before asking for his wife's email address for a playdate. Any more than that and you're being unethical.
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