OVER IT: Sideboob Is A Sad Celebrity Epidemic And It Needs To Stop

Dear fine ladies of Hollywood, don't mistake me for a prude. I'm a strong believer that if you've got it, flaunt it. Even if you don't have it, wear it proud. Wear whatever you like, go as short or as tight as you can, hell, burn your bras in a 1960s tribute and go topless for all I care.

But the problem -- and what to me makes it big enough that it's worth addressing -- is that you're now getting creative with what we call "sideboob." You've got underboob and boob window now, all pseudo-clever ways of showing cleavage. Because plain old cleavage looks cheap, Playboy-ish, and un-ladylike, right? SO DOES YOUR SIDEBOOB.

Nothing says "Look at me, please!" quite like a peek-a-boob. You can obviously afford a well-fitting brassiere, double-sided tape, or a stylist with a modicum of common sense. Is this really where you want to save your bucks?

I can see how you might (mistakenly) perceive the sideboob as appealing. There's something naughty about it, right? It symbolizes womanhood? Well, it doesn't. For all intents and purposes, all your lady parts were created equal. Just like you avoid the all-too-terrible crotch shot, for the love of God, cover up your boobs. There are plenty of sites that are waiting for you to slip up, and they're the kind you try your hardest not to end up on.

Not following? Let's look at some examples --

Miley Cyrus looking less than classy:

Miley Cyrus looking chic:

Jessica Biel looking like she's almost there, but isn't:

Jessica Biel, breathtaking:

Selena Gomez looking like she's trying too hard:

Selena Gomez looking polished and grown up:

Let's try this again, shall we?

The usually stylish Diane Kruger missing the point (but making mine):

Diane Kruger looking like a blueprint of our dreams:

Mischa Barton, not getting it:

Mischa Barton looking fresh and awesome:

Katy Perry giving us way more than we asked for:

Katy Perry looking like a regal beauty:

I beg of you, lady stars, for fear you'll end up like JWoww. Stop with the tasteless nonsense, pull yourself together, have a little class. Let your confidence shine through, not your lady lumps. Give us something else to talk about.