Adversity sucks~This we all at one time or another in our lifetime will be struck WHAM right between the eyes with something we didn’t see coming and have no idea how to cope with. Whether it is the death of a loved one, illness, job loss or divorce we often feel our insides come unraveled at the combination of grief, loss and change. I have to say the feeling that I struggle with most and is very common among anyone who is going through an adverse situation is the total lack of control you have over what ever it was that happened.
We are largely wired to be problem solvers, and take controllers, we some how manage to navigate our way through our somewhat planned life and the expectations that go along with it. We can duck, dive, weave around most of life curve balls, but when that fast pitched curve ball wacks you right between the eyes, it mostly likely brings us to our knees in pain. The first emotion that follows pain is often, the thought that you could have, would have, or should have control over what ever it was.
I personally struggled through my divorce, I was a giant “what if” cupcake, covered in” can I get a redo” sprinkles. I wasted so much of my time fighting the things I really couldn’t and no one can control, things like others behaviors, the unfairness of it all, the thought that I could undo fate, the “why me” pity party that went with those cupcakes. Looking back I personally am fully responsible for making my journey worse than it needed to be.
After a far too long time, I decided the pain of hitting my head against my own wall I had built from trying to control things I couldn’t almost outweighed the actual grief and loss from the divorce. So I changed, just like that. OK not quite just like that, but I made a conscience decision that I would only expend energy thought and action on things I could change, control and make better. No matter how small they were. I was going to turn this adversity into something positive, something to help others, something that I could control and work hard at. so I did-just like that. OK not just like that, but in baby steps of change, of acceptance, of self love and of daily postive action. I have accomplished things in the last three years I would never have thought were even possible for me to achieve. I started a company, I wrote a book, to inspire divorcees to move on in a more positive fashion. I write blogs, I give speeches, three years ago I couldn’t barely get out of bed to feed my children from grief.
The point is not look at all I have achieved, but that I really deeply believe with out adversity I would never have achieved any of this. I would have stayed in my marriage, been unhappy and never even attempted anything I have done. I truly believe that some times it is the being knocked down lower than you ever have before that propels us to stand back up taller than we ever thought we could be. Avoid adversity where you can, but if you are one of the many of us to get knocked down, know that not only will you rise again, but if you give up the notion of controlling it, you can in fact use it to soar higher than you ever dreamed!