"I can't believe this is happening to me!"
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"Why do these things always happen to me?"
"Why do people always treat me like this?"
For many of us, this sounds familiar. The all-too-familiar victim mentality or, as I like to call it, the woe-is-me mentality. I can relate, because that was how I chose to live my life up until 2012. Notice how I used the word "chose"...
The Universe guides us along our path, but it's also gifted us with a beautiful thing called CHOICE. We always have the right to choose -- in every single situation and experience -- we make choices. The accumulation of all our life choices leads us to where we stand today. Simply put... Your current life situation was manifested by you.
The only person responsible for the state of your life is you.
Someone else didn't do this to you. You did this to you.
Someone else didn't punish you. You are punishing you.
The life around you is a direct reflection of the life within you.
YOU are responsible for the state of your life.
Breathe that in. This is a huge reality check. In fact, I call this my Shake-Your-Shoulders reality check. It's easy to go into defense mode after hearing a truth like this...
"But I didn't choose to be dumped like that! He/She dumped me!"
"But I didn't choose to be hurt by them! They hurt me!"
"But I didn't choose to be fired from work! They fired me!"
This reality check can stir stir things up, but it's the truth. I've lived through this exact experience. In 2012, I ended a 4.5-year relationship that was verbally and emotionally abusive. I ended it because I found out that he'd been unfaithful the entire time with multiple women -- some of which were my "friends." This was the incident that opened my eyes to personal responsibility...
I had experienced a few toxic relationships prior to this one and noticed that my relationships were progressively getting worse. This particular relationship left me feeling completely depleted, emotionally exhausted, and with an empty tank of self-worth. I could have easily taken the woe-is-me route as I had so many times in the past...
"Why did he cheat on me? How could he do this to me?"
But I didn't. Instead, I began to reflect. Did the Universe really hate me so much that it continued to send horrible men my way? No. So what was going on? Well, the only commonality between all of these experiences, was me. I was the common denominator. This is truly a hard truth to swallow when you're in the habit of blaming others, but it's a truth that I needed to hear.
I asked myself: What was I doing wrong? And the answer poured out...
I was choosing to accept these men in my life.
That's right, I chose them and chose to stay with them. Talk about a pivotal life-changing moment!
Let's focus on the facts...
My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive, he cheated on me, my "friends" lied to me, and I chose to stay.
I'm not stupid. I had my suspicions throughout the relationship, but I chose to ignore them. That was my choice. How did I go from leading a series of unhealthy, toxic relationships to my current loving and fulfilling marriage? Simple. I began to own my sh*t.
When you choose to remain a victim, you are choosing to remain stuck. You fail to see the lessons that these experiences offer, and you don't allow yourself the opportunity to move forward. When you don't own our experiences, those experiences hold power over you. This is why you feel so powerless when it comes to your life. You've given up your power!
When you own your experiences, you take responsibility. Through this ownership, you open yourself up to seeing the lessons that these experiences offer, and through those lessons, you gain the opportunity to move forward and become "unstuck." When you own your experiences, you become empowered by them; you become the creator of your life.
Whatever happens in your life (no matter how awful it may be) remember, that you always have a choice. By creating this shift in my mindset, I've gained back my power and created a phenomenal life for myself. I'm married to the most amazing, loving, and supportive husband I could have ever asked for, I have a successful and purpose-driven career, and I am surrounded by positive and uplifting people.
Own your sh*t so you can stop being a victim.
Own your sh*t so you can take back control of your life.
Own your sh*t, and become empowered.
Own your sh*t so you can create a life you truly love.