With America on the verge of continued economic meltdown, Gov. Sarah Palin today announced her 10-Point Quick-Fix Financial Recovery Plan. Her campaign staff released this press statement to Fox News: "Republican vice president nominee Sarah Palin wants all of America to know just how serious she and Senator McCain are about getting America economically back on track as well as restoring consumer confidence in self-regulating free markets."
1. Replace the bull statue in New York's Financial District with an Alaskan bull moose.
2. Rename Freddie and Fannie after two of my children: Track and Piper.
3. Open up all national parks every winter to a Nascar-style snow-machine points series, and use 50% of sponsorship revenues to help pay for the Wall Street bailout.
4. Sell Alaska to Dubai.
5. Capital gains tax reform-- It's a complicated issue, so I will have to get back to you on this.
6. Offer interest-free short-term loans to any one whose home has been foreclosed and wants to build an igloo in cold parts of the country like Fargo or Duluth.
7. Build more bridges everywhere for Main Street job creation. In Montana and Idaho alone, there are least 100 rivers and streams without any bridges crossing over them. We should also build a new one right next to the Golden Gate Bridge -- and with a suicide barrier--to show the world that America's economic can-do spirit has not faltered.
8. A 10% users fee tax on all questionable books signed out from public libraries that contain anti-American subversive content. These are books like "Tango Makes Three," "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," "The Color Purple," "Heather Has Two Mommies," and "Catcher in the Rye."
9. Hockey Mom bake sales modeled after Girl Scouts of America's cookie sales; 25% of net revenue will go directly to American taxpayers.
10. Any news organization that wishes to have a sit-down interview with me will have to pay $25 million, and this money will then be placed in a Treasury Department blind trust.