I am an introvert.
I don't know this because I've been medically diagnosed or because I've scored "introvert" on three out of four Buzzfeed quizzes. I know I'm an introvert because I am most comfortable living in my own head.
For most of my life, being an introvert has been neither a blessing nor a curse--it hasn't made me better than other people and it hasn't made me worse. It's mostly just a thing, a thing that many other people experience too. Some introverts enjoy talking with people more than others. Not all of them read books all day long. They don't all have cats. They don't all hate extroverts.
Since becoming a parent I've become a little more aware of the tendencies I have because I am an introvert. I have become aware of these because they no longer affect just me. What I do as an introvert impacts my children too. And like it was for me in the previous part of my life, some of this is for the better and some of this is for the worse.
I constantly worry I don't lobby hard enough for my kids
I write stories almost every day about how as parents we need to make sure we stand up for our kids when they need standing up for. There are too many instances to even list but I'm sure you can think of occasions when your kids weren't being treated fairly and as their parent, you needed to be their voice.
These instances terrify me. And in the three seconds it takes to see a situation and then to speak, my mind asks "is it really that bad?" "Can you just not say anything now and explain it to them later?" "Will it make the situation worse?" "Why aren't you saying anything right now?" "Are you too scared to show your kid you love them?"
Sometimes I intervene, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I address these things as they happen and often I take my kids aside later that day and talk to them about whether or not a situation has bothered them.
I hate that I feel worried to speak up.
I am an extremely good listener
There are plenty of good things about being an introvert and many of these good things become great things when it comes to parenting. I can listen to my children for as long as they want to talk. Those who have kids know that this can be an extremely long time. Other times, they don't want to say anything. As someone who thrives on not saying anything, I am also extremely good at laying down on a bed and staring at ceilings if that's what needs to happen.
Many of my close friends are online friends
Most of the people I talk with I work with or became friends with in high school. I didn't meet a whole lot of people in university because I spent most of my four years there reading books that unfortunately weren't even related to my education. Now, most of the people I look to for advice and for support are people I know primarily online.
I kind of love this. Some days I message with people for no other reason than I know they think the way I do and I just want to feel better. Other days I don't message with anyone because there is no obligation to. That this kind of relationship has become common and that this kind of relationship isn't frowned upon, means I have found a way to interact with wonderful people in a way that doesn't make me nervous.
I do not initiate conversation
This would be a bigger problem if I felt any real urgency to make new friends every day. But I don't, I like the friends I have. Still, when we're out, I am not the one to move over to a group and start talking. I'm more likely to look at my phone and pretend to be Goggling the answer to some deeply philosophic question. Or maybe it looks like I'm reading about the earth's atmosphere. Most likely it looks like I'm trying to avoid conversation and that's exactly it. I hope this doesn't prevent people from talking to me though.
I have to sit down when my child gets a birthday invitation
I didn't know parents communicated through their child's school backpack. The first time I opened hers up and found an invitation to a birthday party, I considered throwing the bag away and seeing if we could get by with a fannypack that fit her lunch and nothing more. I knew I'd be scared to find homework I couldn't do but to manage a social calendar out of a backpack was a bit of a blow.
I love that my child gets invitations to birthdays because they make her happy. But I dread birthday parties because I feel everyone dreads birthday parties and fears talking to people they don't know but who they could end up knowing for the rest of their lives because their kids are such good friends. It is also something else that we all know each other as (insert child's name) mom or dad and are all fine with this because too many names to remember is impossible.
I get anxious thinking about parking at an event, let alone interacting with people at events
This is a constant struggle. When I say events, I don't only mean concerts or plays or events with more than 10,000 attendees. I worry about interacting with people at a ten person birthday party. I know that once I get talking I'll be fine. I know that I know how to talk to other human beings. But I dread it. Not because I don't like you but because my mouth worries my brain won't come up with something intelligent to say.
So I tend to talk about obscure things nobody has ever heard of. I've had conversations with strangers about raccoons, Festivus poles and how much I hate carpet because I have a huge fear of getting shocked. These people tend to never talk to me again but that's okay, because introvert.
I am always down for staying at home and watching movies
I can think of zero times in my life when I've turned down the option of staying home and watching a movie or reading stories or ordering a pizza. Sometimes this is a source of self-hatred because it doesn't take a huge leap to go from "I let my kids watch movies when the sun is shining," to "I'm a horrible parent who limits his child's opportunities to have fun because he's too anxious to go out to the park and hang out with other families." I realize this limits my social life but that's exactly how I like things.
Of course, we still make our way out of the house quite often but often it's forcing my brain to understand that going out CAN be fun. And going out often IS fun.
I cry when I find empty parks
It should come as no surprise then that when I do find a park with nobody in it, I let my kids play for one billion hours on end. I would be an Olympic-caliber athlete were sitting on a bench watching kids climb up slides and actual athletic pursuit.at the beach at victoria by the sea
I come up with my best ideas and criticisms behind closed doors
This is one of those traits that can be very helpful and also very horrible. I don't get in verbal arguments in public. I also don't voice my opinion properly in public.
It's not that I don't have feelings about how things happen at my child's school, or that I don't feel invested enough in these kinds of things to talk, it just takes me longer to formalize my exact opinion and to word it properly.
So when I seem to be frustratingly looking off into the distance as you talk to me abut something that's bothering you, rest assured I hear you. I just need time to formulate something that means something because small talk and I don't get along.
I keep to a schedule so strictly that it probably frustrates people
I hate being late. I cannot be late. Not by a minute, not by a second. It doesn't even matter if I want to go to an event or not, if I am attending I will be there within a window of being five minutes early or exactly on time. I don't arrive later to parties because most other people don't. So if you want people to be at your house at a specific time and have built in late arrivals, don't invite me.
I don't think I'm better than you
The thing about often declining party invites or being the person who watches the door at a party to see if a) someone they know is coming or b) someone else has broken the ice and left first, making it possible for them to do the same, is that you look like an arrogant jerk to those that don't know you. I don't look to stand on my own because of you, I do it because I'm genuinely happy standing in a corner on my own watching my kids wreck your toys.
I hope my kids aren't introverts
I tell my daughters all the time to stand up for themselves and to be vocal about their opinions. Of course, doing this might mean pushing themselves out their comfort zone, something I've already admitted I don't do very well. I hope they don't struggle to do that for themselves. I hope they speak their mind freely and find their words easily. I hope they take joy in events instead of worrying whether on to someone will talk to them. I hope they initiate conversations instead of join them.
I hope my kids are introverts
I want them to be themselves and if that means liking the time they spend on their own, I think that's wonderful. I like to think I know myself really, really well because I'm always analyzing my own feelings. Sometimes this means feeling proud of myself and sometimes this means feeling disappointed in myself. These are both valuable things to know though and they are things I hope my daughters are able to do as well.