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Parenting Paradoxes

We bring these tiny humans into the world who look up to us, who think we run the world and control all that's in it. Little do they know that behind the all-boo-boo-healer, every-worry-comforter, and any-query-responder façade is a mildly crazy person whose brain runs in overdrive and whose emotions waver between guilt, worry, and sheer confusion at times.
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Inconsistent

Incongruent

Paradoxical

Chaotic

Pretty damn crazy

Parenting, that is.

We bring these tiny humans into the world who look up to us, who think we run the world and control all that's in it.

Little do they know that behind the all-boo-boo-healer, every-worry-comforter, and any-query-responder façade is a mildly crazy person whose brain runs in overdrive and whose emotions waver between guilt, worry, and sheer confusion at times.

Then again, they're not the most rational -- or predictable -- beings either.

Just take a look at the list of things below and tell me, is it at all surprising that we drive each other up the walls?

  • From they day your kid is born you pray they will sleep through the night. But remember that one night they did more than a two hour stretch? Are they breathing? Are they warm? Are they cold? You were up at their bedside every hour stealthily touching their chest to make sure they were ok.

  • Your baby is up every two hours screaming... scared... thirsty... wanting a cuddle... wanting to pee... and so on. So why are they as perky as a pickle while you're downright shattered in the morning?
  • Then you start counting the hours, minutes, hell even the seconds until bedtime, but once they are down you miss them with every fiber of your being. So you sit by their side with besotted eyes, and when you finally manage to pull yourself away, you go look at their pictures and wish you'd cuddled a bit more. WTF?
  • Your child's a picky eater. You've tried everything and it doesn't work. So you finally decide to give in and make their favorite food -- plain pasta -- for lunch everyday. The day you decide to do this, they look shocked and inform you they actually hate pasta. But that old raisin under the couch from two weeks ago? Yes, that's yummy.
  • You are late to an appointment because you want to make sure your kid has time to pee before leaving the house. After two hours of swearing to you that "no pee pee" you finally leave. Five minutes later, guess what? They need to pee.
  • You often pray for just five minutes of silence -- to read an article, to finish a cup of coffee while it's hot, even to go to the toilet uninterrupted. When you finally get it, you are filled with dread and panic because you know -- you just know -- something like THIS, or worse, is bound to happen.
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  • One minute you look at your kids playing together and laughing and you think "I want to spend every minute of my life doing this -- it's just so perfect, best thing the world -- I want ten more!" Then the fighting, tantrums and toy throwing starts. You were just rambling before, two is enough. Actually, you even want to sell those two kids now.
  • You harp the importance of honesty to your kids: don't lie, honesty is the best policy, etc... Yet when they throw a tantrum because they don't want to leave the park or want to play on the iPad, you have no problem telling them that the park police is coming to close it for the day or that the ipad is out of battery. You even tell them Santa Claus is real. #doublestandards
  • You spend your days on your feet, lifting a toddler, carrying a baby, swinging, rocking, jumping - working out harder than anyone at your gym. And your but and belly? They haven't receive the memo yet.
  • When you're in a public or crowded place with a screaming toddler, time stops and the seconds drag on forever. But when you're tucking that same toddler in and she says "you're the nicest mommy in the world" you cry because time goes by too fast. Defying logic.
  • Confused? Me too.

    Welcome to Parenthood.