The funny moms and dads of Twitter have long tweeted about their “alone time” hiding in closets, bathrooms, cars and beyond to get a break from the chaos of kids. Amid the COVID-19 pandemic, the need has only increased.
If you’re looking for some hiding spot inspiration, keep scrolling for 45 funny tweets from parents about their refuges of choice.
Just enjoying a little me time. So, basically hiding from my family in the bathroom.— Manic Mama (@JannaKillHimNik) April 7, 2019
When I’m playing hide-and-seek with my kids, my hiding spot 100% of the time is in my bed under the covers— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) December 8, 2019
The best hiding place in your house is wherever you keep the healthy food in your house. Your kids will never look there.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 4, 2017
My 4 year-old now hides from me in the bathroom so l can't stop him from chewing his nails.— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 23, 2020
This really upsets me because that was my hiding spot.
me: *hiding under bed* are the monsters gone— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 3, 2020
wife: *sigh* yes the kids are asleep
Me, to 6yo in closet: What are you doing?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 26, 2018
6yo: I’m hiding so I don’t have to clean.
Me: Mind if I join you?
I’m just a man. In a van. In a garage. Hiding from my kids.— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 8, 2020
4-year-old: *knocks on bathroom door* Where are you?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2014
Me: In the bathroom
4: What are you doing?
Me: What do you think?
I didn't abandon my kids, we are just playing hide and seek. I like to win, so I figured the best hiding spot was a motel room in Tijuana.— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) September 19, 2013
A panic room but for me to hide from my kids— Text TeamTom to 61474 (@MommaUnfiltered) December 26, 2020
It’s like my kids can see me hiding behind my bottle of wine.— Courtney (@Discourt) February 15, 2013
Sometimes when my kids call my name, I silently turn of the light and hide behind the couch.— Stacey Gill Ink (@StaceyGillInk) February 17, 2016
I'm hiding from my kids in the closet so I can peacefully eat some cookies. I can hear them all walking around like a bunch of DEA agents. I'm trying my best to destroy all the evidence before they bust me.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 21, 2020
"Be careful!" I call across the room to my kids from my hiding spot.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 27, 2017
Kids are hiding behind the sofa to avoid having a bath. I'm hiding in the bathroom to avoid the kids. Everyone's a winner.— Mark (@sonnyandluca) September 15, 2013
Hiding from my family in the bathroom, drinking coffee.— MichiMama 💓 (@michimama75) January 1, 2021
So far 2021 is more of the same.
6 things that are socially acceptable after becoming a parent:— Ｍｏｍｚｉｌｌａ (@milliondollrfam) April 1, 2019
1. Using spit to clean someone's face
2. Picking another person's nose
3. Smelling someone else's butt
4. Eating scraps of leftover food
5. Complaining about being tired
6. Hiding in a closet with snacks
I’m not so much hiding from my children as I am strategically positioning myself in a dark, quiet space where they won’t bother looking for me.— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) December 12, 2020
I've been hiding in the bathroom for so long my toddler just asked if I have dysentery.— Manic Mama (@JannaKillHimNik) November 15, 2020
27% of parenting Is hiding to eat candy.— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) January 20, 2020
Date night 2019: Dinner and a movie— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 19, 2021
Date night 2021: Hiding from the kids in the closet together
I was hiding in a different room trying to eat a snack and the kids found me, so then I just shoved the rest in my mouth and said “MINE” with my cheeks filled with food.— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 20, 2019
In case you were wondering who’s boss around here.
An Advent Calendar but behind every door is a room moms can go hide in for some peace and quiet— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) December 23, 2020
I am hiding but 5yo forgot she was seeking and this is now the best day ever— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) March 30, 2019
Just denied my toddler Ritz crackers because "we don't eat those for breakfast" while hiding behind the pantry door to inhale a donut— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) June 2, 2016
Homeschooling isn’t going great but at least my son has learned the skill of hiding in the bathroom in case he has kids one day— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 26, 2020
My OnlyFans is just pictures of me reading a book in my car while I hide from my family— Meg the Magnificent (@meghaffer) July 15, 2020
Found our 3yo hiding in the bathroom with a giant Tupperware of Christmas cookies and honestly I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first.— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 23, 2019
Embarrassed that our five year old walked into the bedroom at 2am and saw us pulling the blanket to hide our phones and cheesesticks— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 17, 2019
Me, to my kids: I think it’d be good for you to make more friends at school— The Dad (@thedad) February 19, 2018
Me, at work: [a coworker walks by and I am trying to hide behind a plant]
M stood next to me asking, "What are you doing?" and, "Why are you doing that?" for the entire time I washed the dishes.— Becky The Most Annoying Mom (@beckyhas4kids) August 24, 2020
Excuse me while I hide in the dishwasher until nap time.
parenting is creating humans that you are constantly hiding from and throwing food at to find some peace— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 13, 2020
Pro Tip:— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 20, 2018
When you play "Hide-and-Seek" with your kids, make sure to take a few supplies to put in your best hiding spot.
Then one day, you will be able to permanently hide there.
10 is about to become 11, so if anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding in the closet, crying my eyes out and singing Cats In The Cradle.— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) May 19, 2020
Welcome to parenthood! If you look to your left you will see the bathroom. That's where we hide from our kids and cry.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 19, 2020
They say to write what you know, so be on the lookout for my upcoming book, "Hiding in the Bathroom So I Can Eat My Toaster Strudels in Peace."— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) April 8, 2020
Sometimes when I hear my 4yo ask, "where's Mom?" I'll be silent & let her search the house for me. Only rarely do I hide behind the couch.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) April 30, 2013
If you hide in your bedroom with a cup of coffee it only makes your children destroy the house more.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 29, 2020
Olive Garden's slogan, "We're all family here" doesn't make any sense because I don't hide in the bathroom when I'm at Olive Garden.— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) December 28, 2020
I’ve learned teaching my own children requires patience, understanding, and a whole lot of hiding in the bathroom.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 2, 2020
I'm playing Hide and Go Seek with the kids and the dogs keep giving away my hiding spot. Darn their love and loyalty.— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) July 27, 2014
I'm playing hide and seek with my kids and they're crying because they can't find me, but if I come out they will know where the good hiding spot is.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 26, 2019
I still prefer to hide in the bathroom. Only because my colleagues* never leave me alone.— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) May 27, 2020
Before having kids the bathroom was a guaranteed hiding spot now all I have left is the attic or the shed and I think they're onto me.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 8, 2013
3 *opens bathroom door*: Oh, I thought you were hiding on me, but you're just going potty.— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) April 19, 2016
Well, it looks like I need a new hiding spot.