Small talk, the bane of everyone’s lives and yet an often at times necessary or as I think an unnecessary evil. Small talk leaves you feeling drained and often at times ashamed about that fact you have just utter the words; “there is great drying out” or any other weather related dry chat. Look we have all done it, there is no judgement here, this is a safe place.
Small talk or dry chat though has escalated to a new level in terms of social commentary and here today, I am going to break down into a few social groupings on how no one is safe and everyone gets the judgement no matter what their social status is.
Phelim and Peggy have been going out for two months, they are 34 and 37 respectively and although the small talker is DELIGHTED about the union now it’s time to get the 411. So the first question upon meeting is “So is he the one?” “Are you thinking about moving in together?” “Will isn’t it great ye found each other” “Have you met the parents?”
Single Sally, poor owl single Sally who is met with a constant head tilt. Sally is 28 and NO ONE LOVES Sally. Sally is met on the daily with “And come here now Sally. Have you met anyone nice?” “Oh there is a sock for every shoe” “Sally you need to put yourself out there” “Don’t worry Sally, there is still time” Sally single status at 28 borderline offends the small talker. Just an FYI on Sally, she will let you know when she meets someone, there will be an instant facebook relationship status update and a couple of snaps of them kissing. So maybe try a different opener like “Hey Sally, What’s new with you buttercup?”
Gertrude and Seamus are happy out but their 3 years relationship isn’t moving at the rate the small talker would like. Obviously there is a niggle of doubt about this entire relationship as in the space of three years, they haven’t managed to move in together, get a dog, get married, have 12 children. Buy a house, get a people carrier and go on 3 holidays to Grand Canaria. No instead Gerty and Seamy have been just simply in their relationship, enjoying life and doing their thing, at their own pace. SHOCKING BEHAVIOUR. Small Talker would lead at every possible angle here to an impending engagement question. With every sentence started with a fully loaded Soooooooooo and almost a wink in the eye. In fact small talker would probably actually physically wink.
And what about Pamela and Peadar, newly married for 3 weeks and no baby yet, oh Christ there is something going on there thinks small talker. Small talker knows. After the constant “How are the wedding plans coming along?” after months of pre do you think you will get engaged queries. Pure elation on the engagement and then boom wedding talk, honeymoon and “are you building a house?” Honeymoon is literally over and they are wondering what Pamela ovulation cycle is? And they can time that “Anything stirring?” question right at that moment when Pamela is PMT’ing out of her head!
Then there is gay Gabriel, and sure everyone now loves the gays, so this is great that Gabriel is gay. Gabriel has a boyfriend and he is gay too, hard to believe I know. Small talker likes Gabriel and his boyfriend Mark but is limited with small talk because you know it’s all very new, all very new. Small talk just keeps it simple here and asks obviously “Are they moving in together?” “Where will they build?” and after a few Chardonnays might lead in with “and when did you know you were gay?”
Finally there is POOR POOR divorced Declan, only 47 and divorced imagine. Declan now is a key target for small talker. Declan gets all the questions with a head tilt and maybe even a forearm graze. “Keep the faith Declan” and Declan will be encouraged to attend prime divorcee events such as table quiz’s and will encouraged to take up cycling or triathlons. But at all times Declan will be asked “And tell do you think you will meet someone else?”
Look it’s as simple as this. Why are we always looking for what is next from people. Every day I am reading about why we should be more present in our lives. The saying ‘Where we are meant to be, well that is where we are’ is one of my favourites.
So the next time you meet someone and you have that urge to race through your communication as if it were a check list, a tick the box exercise, why not stop for a minute. Ask them really how they are and actively listen to not what only they are saying but how they are saying IT. How is their body language and is there face telling a different story to their words.
The rat race of societal life is draining, so stop with the assumptions and the idea that everyone follows the same path. We don’t which is great. Just because some people follow the course that we are told is the course doesn’t mean that is right or wrong. Determine your own course and whatever you do, rock on when you are doing it. If everyone did, looked and thought the same, this world would be DULL.
If all else fails and you still find yourself being the Small Talker then get a dog, a good looking dog. This cuts out all the weather and other shite talk and brings people straight into your life in mutual appreciation for the love and charisma of a good dog. Case in point Tobes.
Here are some of my favourite ways to not be a small talker or to get away from one.
Openers...
Mayo for Sam
Come here now on a scale of 1 to shite how are you?
Have you ever been to Headford?
Is that your real hair?
Pass the pretzel.
Remember guys pretzels bring NOTHING to the party so don’t be a pretzel.
