A quick pasta recipe can be a lifesaver when you're tired, rushed or strapped for cash. This pantry staple is always there for us, which makes it extra disappointing when we commit hideous transgressions against it. We don't mean overcooking, undercooking or dropping it on the floor -- we all make mistakes. The transgressions we're here to talk about today are solely related to the things we sometimes force pasta to share a plate with. There are some pasta toppings we have to insist we all just forget about because they are terrible and depressing.
Below, you'll find a list of the worst pasta toppings of all time. Pasta toppings that make us wonder what pasta ever did to you. Take a few cleansing breaths, and let's prepare to rid ourselves of these dark thoughts. We're going to get through this one together.
1
Ketchup
Who told you this was okay? Just because it's made out of tomatoes doesn't mean it's tomato sauce.
2
American Cheese Singles
Not all cheese is created equal, friends. You want to use this stuff for a grilled cheese? Go nuts. But please, for the love of common decency, keep it off your pasta.
3
Cottage Cheese
You know what cottage cheese isn't? Ricotta. So quit trying to make it take ricotta's place. I will admit to loving an occasional noodle kugel, in which cottage cheese makes a regular appearance. But just dolloping it on top, trying to pretend it's supposed to be there? You're making everyone feel awkward. Especially the cottage cheese.
4
Hot Dogs
If the only way you can get your kids to eat dinner is by making them alien-looking spaghetti monsters for dinner, I feel for you, carry on. The rest of you: Just eat a plate of pasta like an adult human! If you want to slice hot dogs into your mac and cheese, fine, but can't we just leave spaghetti out of it?
5
Canned Shrimp
As we recently discovered in our Jell-O with shrimp frosting experiment, canned shrimp do not belong in food. But especially not in pasta, where they don't even have anywhere to hide. This has to stop.
6
Hot Sauce
Look, there is a time and a place for everything. Hot sauce belongs on mac and cheese. Hot sauce can even belong on lasagna when the moon is in the right position, but it is NEVER -- I repeat, NEVER -- your sole pasta sauce. Give your digestive system a break.
7
Peanut Butter
There is a big difference between spicy peanut noodles (which are delicious and essential) and spaghetti with peanut butter on it. Anyone who tells you differently doesn't love you.
8
9
Grilled Chicken Breast
I know that some of you are going to yell at me for this, but it needs to be said: stop putting grilled chicken breast on your pasta. Stop offering it as an option. Once, in a restaurant, a person who I love very dearly but is a hideously picky eater asked for chicken breast on her pasta. The Roman owner said, "No. You're not allowed to do that here. Why would I put chicken in pasta? It doesn't taste like anything."
He was being a jerk, but he was also correct. Chicken pasta is bullshit, and we all have to stop.
He was being a jerk, but he was also correct. Chicken pasta is bullshit, and we all have to stop.
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Before You Go
1
At Least Your Pasta Does Not Smile Back
Flickr: mojodaisy
No more SpaghettiO's, ever, guys. Photo via Flickr user mojodaisy
2
Does Your Pasta Look Like This?
Flickr: jofishtrick
Then you're doing better than you think. Photo via Flickr user jofishtrick
3
Seems Legit
Imgur: DaveLambert
We really cannot stress this enough: use a really big pot to cook pasta. It needs room. For exactly this reason. Photo via Imgur
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Hot Dog Spaghetti
Imgur: thatkoreanguy
Please guys, for the love of all that is holy, stop making these. They are not cute. They are horrible. THEY LOOK LIKE WORMS, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?? YOU ARE FEEDING YOUR CHILDREN WORMS! Ahem. Sorry. Photo via imgur
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8
Everything Is Wrong
Flickr: wildandcrazyguy
Pasta: totally serviceable. Accoutrements: utterly horrifying. Photo via Flickr user wildandcrazyguy
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It Does Seem Like It Was Important To Share This
Flickr: jlastras
Thank goodness the world saw it. The internet is great. : ( Photo via Flickr user jlastras
12
Lasagna? Is That You?
Flickr: .angels.
Something just doesn't seem right. Photo via Flickr user .angels.
13
What Have You Done?
Flickr: marycsalome
Pasta cannot swim. If you drown it in sauce, it will die. Let that be a lesson to you. Photo via Flickr user marycsalome
14
Tuna Noodle Nightmare
Flickr: Micah Sittig
Presented without comment. Photo via Flickr user Micah Sittig
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Welp.
Imgur: nukayon
Did you cook your pasta in an actual pot on an actual stove? Our work is pretty much done here. Photo via Imgur
