Patterns of Perversion

The scourge of heterosexuality is here, it's among us, and it's time to fight back.
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When sixth grade teacher Kelsey Peterson fled to Mexico with her 13
year old "lover" late last month
, my heart told me it was time to
speak out. But fear
told me not to; in today's PC world, there's no sin so great as
speaking the truth. Then, last night, I opened the paper to find that
Norma Giannini, a 79 year old Roman Catholic nun had pleaded no
contest to repeatedly sexually abusing two middle school boys.

But it's time that somebody spoke up for our children, and pulled them
out of the clutches of these sick, perverted heterosexual women. Let
the "straight" apologists say what they will, but the simple truth of
the matter is that most child molesters are heterosexual. The
only unusual aspect of these cases is that the perpetrators were
female, while the vast majority of child sexual abusers are
heterosexual males
. And yet
we still are asked to put our children in the hands of these
heterosexual deviants each day we send them to school.

Well, I've had enough. We all know a pattern when we see one, and
while we're doing our best not to bruise these perverts' feelings, our
children are being inflicted with emotional scars that will last their
entire lives. The
scourge of heterosexuality is here, it's among us, and it's time to
fight back.

In my own city of San Francisco, families with children are fleeing
straight neighborhoods in droves for the gay haven of the Castro. It's easy to see why: A quick search at the Megan's Law website finds just two sex offenders in
the Castro -- and one of those is arguably in Noe Valley. The city's
other residential neighborhoods amount to little more than dens of
these predatory perverts.

Now, I don't mean to imply that all heterosexuals are child molesters.
But one cannot overlook the overwhelming evidence that a substantial
number of heterosexual males are predatory toward young girls. They
buy magazines called "Barely Legal," "Finally Legal" and "Finally 18".
They strut around in broad daylight saying things like, "the best
thing about high school girls is they stay the same age, while I keep
getting older." And, yet, we're supposed to drop our daughters off
for volleyball practice with a straight coach and just trust that
nothing's going to happen.

"Straight" women, for their part, stop at nothing to indulge the sick
hetero-male lust for youth. When the lotions, creams and peels stop
working, they resort to having their faces surgically altered to
appear younger. Only the Lord knows how much the heterosexual
perversion is costing our economy each and every day.

"But, what's the harm?" I hear you asking. "They're not all
out there molesting kids left and right. Surely, if some
heterosexuals are good teachers and clergy, a few gropings here and
there won't hurt."

Well, my friends, pedophilia is not the only plague visited upon us by
the heterosexual scourge.

It's time to face the facts: Heterosexual "marriages" -- if you insist
upon calling them that -- are tearing this country apart. Half of all
these depraved unions end in divorce, tying up the courts and leaving
the taxpayers with much of the bill. In cases where one parent is
then ordered to pay child support, they are reported to fall behind
68% of the time

None of this should come as a surprise, when one considers how the
average heterosexual expresses "love".

22% of all American women report having been physically assaulted by
an "intimate partner". Just 2% of the
perpetrators are lesbians. When the
heterosexual male tires of beating and battering his "mate," he
resorts to more extreme ways of getting his perverse thrills: Domestic
violence accounts for 45% of the female murder victims aged 20-24, and
an even higher number of women aged 35-49. Don't let your
daughter be next.

This is to say nothing of the public health crisis heterosexuality has
dragged our once God-loving nation into. A Gonorrhea "superbug" is
sweeping the country, rising fastest in heterosexual women. Last year
alone, more than 1 million new cases of Chlamydia were reported in the
United States, at a cost to taxpayers of nearly $15 billion. The
highest rate of infection? Adolescent girls.

Heterosexuality is the most common route of HIV infection worldwide. And America is now facing
an upswing in congenital syphilis, which can cause serious birth
defects -- even death -- in newborns. It seems that even the womb is no safe hiding place from the evils
of heterosexuality.

But children aren't the only victims of heterosexual sex.
Childbirth, the largely heterosexual process of bringing a child into
the world by expelling it out the mother's vagina, accounted for the
deaths of 529,000 women in the year 2000 alone. Medical science has
done much to alleviate the suffering caused by this ongoing crisis,
but that does nothing for the literally trillions who throughout
history have already fallen victim to this nightmare of heterosexual

But this comes down to a deeper question about who we are, and whether
or not we as a society want to progress, or fall like Rome with the
rise of the "straight society". After all, does anybody really
believe that the great works of western civilization were the products
of warped heterosexual minds? That the whole time Michelangelo was
sculpting David he was really thinking about tits? Ever heard of
someone named "Alexander the Straight"? Of course not.

Think about it: Have you ever known a truly happy "straight" person?

I asked a friend of mine, a professional, if he believes heterosexuals
are capable of true happiness. "There's definitely something in the
heterosexual psyche that forbids it," he told me. "In all my thirty
years of practice, specializing in major emotional disorders, I have
never encountered a heterosexual client who was happy, healthy, or had
a normal childhood."

"One of my straight clients has thirteen distinct personalities," he
added. "You'd think one of them would be happy."

Don't let your child be the next introduced to this sick addiction.

I don't think I need to inform you that there is an open and militant
campaign among heterosexual activists to convert otherwise healthy
kids to this depraved "lifestyle". You can see how the conspiracy
unfolds: The teachers, coaches and nuns first introduce the
children to the carnal lust of this depravity. Then, the societal pressure
comes saying, "oh, no, it's okay, everybody's doing it -- be proud of
your perversion
." Then, camps are erected across the country with
the sole purpose of brainwashing your child into believing that
heterosexuality is an acceptable way of life. If your child hasn't
been snared by their teen years, out come the "straight camps" to turn
your boys around--or send someone else's out to marry your daughters.

Well, Ms. Peterson, Sister Giannini, I'm on to you. And I say, no
more! Enough is enough! We're not going to take it anymore.

I did a lot of research into the heterosexual crisis, and I think I've
come up with a few ways you can help ebb the tide of perversion that
has left this country soaked in sin:

• Use slang words for heterosexuality interchangeably or in
conjunction with ones for every undesirable human trait.

• Try to legislate the problem away. If straight people can't get
married, and are forced to endure harassment in the workplace,
securing housing and on the streets, there will be fewer of them.
It's a long-proven fact.

• Don't allow them on TV. Or, if you do, make sure it's essentially a
modern-day minstrel show consisting mostly of jokes about NASCAR, male
promiscuity and country music.

• Don't allow them in movies. Or, if you do, make sure they die
before the end of Act II.

• Vote only for candidates who make it clear that straight people are
second-class citizens.

• Say things like, "Your kind's not welcome here."

• Think about straight sex a lot.

• Wait decades before addressing a health crisis in the straight community.

• Take out your bible and circle thirty reasons all straight people
are going to hell. It's easy -- you can start with bacon. Put those
reasons in a poorly-Xeroxed pamphlet, an amateurish webpage and
several pieces of poster board. You now have your very own 527
Political Action Committee. In three election cycles, you'll have
deep pockets and more power over national voter turnout than the DNC
and RNC combined.

• Continue having covert straight sex. When it's over, treat your
partner very badly. It helps if you call them something heterophobic.

• Make up your own ways. Remember: The more difficult we make their
lives, the fewer of them there will be!

I'd like to see some horny, 79-year old nun try to take on a nation of
Americans armed with that plan. And, you, little Ms.
Teacher's-Got-An-Extra-Special-Pet? Time to run for the border.

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