Look. As much as you might hear that size doesn't matter, it does... to your ego.
To complicate everyone's relative feeling of self worth, condom seller Condomania ranked the states with the largest average penis size, based on the thoroughly unscientific metric of who bought what where. That includes smaller and larger-sized condoms.
Here's an illustrated look at the top ten, followed by some below the belt shots at the rest of the states.
11. Colorado: Mountainous members.
12. Maryland: The proximity to D.C. must be rubbing off.
13: Wisconsin: Don't be offended the next time someone calls you "cheesehead."
14. New Jersey: Hey, fuggedaboudit.
15. California: California love.
16. Florida: Good overall, but disappointing since the state's shaped like a penis.
17: Connecticut: Land of steady habits and middling penis size.
18. Virginia: Virginia is for lovers. Slightly above-average lovers.
19. Oregon: The Oregon Trail doesn't lead to exceptional penis size. #BeaverState.
20. Pennsylvania: Home to the Pirates, and other disappointments.
21. Washington: We see what you're doing with that Space Needle, Seattle.
22. Tennessee: Known for country and rock 'n' roll. And now, the blues.
23. New Mexico: "Land of Enchantment" refers mostly to the desert, FYI.
24. Georgia: "Time" thinks there are no penises in Georgia. Well, they're wrong.
25. Iowa: Where corn is king... of innuendo.
26. Illinois: Have you heard the good news about the penis church?
27. Louisiana: Somehow we thought things would be bigger in the Big Easy.
28. Vermont: Let's not make Green Mountains out of molehills.
29. Utah: Average wieners, but at least the women are beautiful... however...
30. Maine: If "you can't get there from here," don't be surprised.
31. Nebraska: More corn. More innuendo.
32. Idaho: Long on potatoes. Meat? Not so much.
33. Kansas: What's the matter with Kansas? Small penises.
34. Delaware: Mediocre ranking, but c'mon... it's Delaware.
35. Michigan: You know there had to be a tradeoff for the 2013 Lions season.
36. Nevada: And you thought one-night-stands in Vegas were a gamble before...
37. New Hampshire: Live free or die of shame.
38. Oklahoma: OOOOOklahoma where not many people have large penises.
39. Montana: Not so mountainous.
40. Minnesota: Not so nice.
41. Kentucky: Original recipe for disaster? Some sad lil' nuggets.
42. Texas: Not everything is bigger in Texas.
43. Indiana: Hoosiers lose. Hoosiers lose...
44. West Virginia: As if West Virginia didn't have it hard enough.
45. Missouri: Not much to see in the "Show Me State."
46. Alaska: That rugged exterior hides a lie.
47. North Carolina: South Carolina is like ROFLCOPTER.
48. Wyoming: Big sky, little else.
49. Arkansas: Don't worry, you have personality.
50. Hawaii: Prophetically, "aloha" means "hello" and "goodbye."
51. Mississippi: lol...