Picking Out Your Own Engagement Ring? A Do Or A Don't

It appears more and more women are putting in their two cents, both literally and figuratively when picking out the engagement ring.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.


Let's face it-- Purchasing an engagement ring can be a complicated process and I am not even factoring in the 4C's (cut, clarity, color, carat) in this post which is a whole other topic. Not only can engagement rings cost a pretty penny, but they are also something the woman is supposed to wear forever and ever and ever. The immense amount of pressure for your future fiance to get the "perfect" engagement ring can be very challenging.

Traditionally, it has been customary for the man to pick out the engagement ring, make an elaborate plan to surprise the woman by falling to his knees and popping the big question. But let's throw traditions out the window and talk about reality, shall we?

Nowadays, it appears more and more women are putting in their two cents, both literally and figuratively when picking out the engagement ring. Some women make it a point to pick out the exact ring they want, whether it be through telling a friend or hinting to their significant other, some couples are opting to go ring shopping together and some women even go as far as "going dutch" (splitting the cost) on the ring.

So, is picking out your own engagement ring a DO or a DON'T? What do you think brides-to-be? Let's weigh in on the pros and cons:

Pros of Shopping Together:

The Ring is Exactly What You Want. You are going to be wearing this ring for a very long time, so it's important that you love it. Trust me when I say there are countless different ring styles to choose from and oftentimes, you will be surprised that the rings you thought you liked when looking online are not what you love in person. By going ring shopping together, you will have the opportunity to try on various diamond ring styles and settings and select the one that best suits you. So, when the time comes for your partner to propose, you will be wearing a ring you truly love.

It Will Take Pressure Off Your Future Fiance. Because an engagement ring is a substantial expense, your future fiance will want to make sure you absolutely love it. By accompanying your future fiance to choose the diamond engagement ring, you will make the shopping experience less stressful for him; he can rest assured knowing the ring selected is something you both love. Shopping together can alleviate a sizable amount of pressure in choosing the "perfect" ring.

Making a Big Decision Together. An engagement ring is one of the biggest purchases a new couple will make. Since marriage is all about making compromises and joint decisions, choosing an engagement ring together is the perfect opportunity to begin to understand the cooperation necessary for future decision making.

It Can Serve as a Bonding Experience. Choosing and designing an engagement ring together can create an emotional bond and bring you closer as a couple. Your future fiance will get to learn more about you and your style, and in turn, you will get to learn more about his personal style and preferences.

Cons of Shopping Together:

The Proposal Will Lack The Surprise Factor. An element of surprise adds an extra degree of romance and can create a nostalgic experience that you will remember forever. The idea of choosing your own engagement ring may take away some of the magic associated with a marriage proposal. By selecting your own ring, you already know exactly what the ring looks like and additionally have an idea that the proposal is in the near future.

The Ring You Want is Out of His Budget. You finally pick out the ring of your dreams and unfortunately it is outside his ideal price point. This can become a potentially uneasy situation for both you and your partner and can also lead to disappointment on both ends.

You Know How Much He Spent. Honestly, most people dislike discussing money and finances. If you go ring shopping with your future fiance, you will know how much he is spending on your engagement ring, which might put you in an uncomfortable situation.

The Process May Seem Less Personal. As with most gift giving, part of the appeal is the amount of time, thought and effort that was put into it. Although the ring your future fiance choses may not be the ring of your dreams, it may mean more to you because of the time he spent searching for the perfect ring, specifically for you.

Concluding Thoughts:

In my opinion, the choice to go ring shopping together is a matter of personal preference. For some couples the engagement ring is important. For others, the engagement ring is not a big deal. There is no right or wrong answer. Simply, it's what feels right for both you and your significant other. What's most important is that both of you are on the same page and are happy and comfortable with whatever you chose to do, as this ring will symbolize the beginning or your new life together.

Support HuffPost

Do you have info to share with HuffPost reporters? Here’s how.

Go to Homepage

Popular in the Community


Gift Guides