COMEDY

If Pizza Were Used As Currency, The World Would Be A Better Place

In this era of struggling economies and financial uncertainty, UCB sketch group SCRAPS asks an important -- perhaps the MOST important --question. What if pizza were used as currency?

BEFORE YOU GO

1 Argument Clinic

Classic line: "Look, this isn't an argument." "Yes it is!"
2 The Spanish Inquisition

Classic line: "Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!"
3 Spam

Classic line: "Spam, spam, spam, spam."
4 Fish Slapping Dance

Classic moment: the finale.
5 MInistry Of Silly Walks

Classic line: "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently and so it takes me rather longer to get to work."
6 Philosophy Football

Classic line: "Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will - and Confucius he say, 'name go in book'."
7 Bicycle Repairman

Classic line: "Bicycle repairman - how can I ever repay you?!"
8 Hungarian Phrase Book

Classic line: "Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?"
9 Theory On Brontasauruses By Anne Elk (Miss)

Classic line: "My theory, that I have - that is to say, which is mine - is mine."
10 The Philosophers' Song

Classic line: "There's nothing Nietzsche could teach about the raising of the wrist."
11 Election Night Special

Classic line: "Luton, normally a very sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren't a bit silly, has gone completely gaga."
12 The Cheese Shop

Classic line: "No, no, no - don't tell me. I'm keen to guess."
13 How Not To Be Seen

Classic line: "Mr Nesbitt has learned the first lesson of not being seen: not to stand up."
14 Upper Class Twit Of The Year

Classic line: "And now it's 'kicking the beggar'..."
15 Milkman

Classic moment: the final one.
16 The Lumberjack Song

Classic line: "I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers/I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars."
17 Mr Hilter

Classic line: "You've got the wrong map, there - this is Stalingrad. You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section."
18 Nudge, Nudge

Classic line: "A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!"
19 Bruce

Classic line: "Bruce here teaches logical positivism... and is also in charge of the sheep dip."
20 The Funniest Joke In The World

Classic line: "Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to 50 yards."
21 Travel Agent

Classic line: "Stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel..."
22 Self-Defence Against Fruit

Classic line: "How about cherries?" "We've done them." "Red AND black?" "Yes!"
23 The History Of The Joke

Classic line: "Popular as this jest has always been, however, it cannot compare with the ribald connotations associated with the despatch of an edible missile."
24 Hell's Grannies

Classic line: "If she can't get the wool, she gets violent."
25 Four Yorkshiremen

Classic line: "We used to dream of living in a corridor!"
26 Architects

Classic line: "You lousy, hypocritical, whining toadies, with your lousy coloured TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleedin' masonic handshakes!"
27 Silly Olympics

Classic line: "The second semi-final of the 100 yards for people with no sense of direction."
28 Dirty Fork

Classic line: "Mungo! Mungo! Never kill a customer."
29 Crunchy Frog

Classic line: "If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?!"
30 The Dead Parrot

Classic line: "Pining for the fjords?!"
(Bonus video: the stage version, with Michael Palin corpsing)

BEFORE YOU GO

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