If Pizza Were Used As Currency, The World Would Be A Better Place

In this era of struggling economies and financial uncertainty, UCB sketch group SCRAPS asks an important -- perhaps the MOST important --question. What if pizza were used as currency?



  • 1 Argument Clinic
    Classic line: "Look, this isn't an argument." "Yes it is!"
  • 2 The Spanish Inquisition
    Classic line: "Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!"
  • 3 Spam
    Classic line: "Spam, spam, spam, spam."
  • 4 Fish Slapping Dance
    Classic moment: the finale.
  • 5 MInistry Of Silly Walks
    Classic line: "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently and so it takes me rather longer to get to work."
  • 6 Philosophy Football
    Classic line: "Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will - and Confucius he say, 'name go in book'."
  • 7 Bicycle Repairman
    Classic line: "Bicycle repairman - how can I ever repay you?!"
  • 8 Hungarian Phrase Book
    Classic line: "Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?"
  • 9 Theory On Brontasauruses By Anne Elk (Miss)
    Classic line: "My theory, that I have - that is to say, which is mine - is mine."
  • 10 The Philosophers' Song
    Classic line: "There's nothing Nietzsche could teach about the raising of the wrist."
  • 11 Election Night Special
    Classic line: "Luton, normally a very sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren't a bit silly, has gone completely gaga."
  • 12 The Cheese Shop
    Classic line: "No, no, no - don't tell me. I'm keen to guess."
  • 13 How Not To Be Seen
    Classic line: "Mr Nesbitt has learned the first lesson of not being seen: not to stand up."
  • 14 Upper Class Twit Of The Year
    Classic line: "And now it's 'kicking the beggar'..."
  • 15 Milkman
    Classic moment: the final one.
  • 16 The Lumberjack Song
    Classic line: "I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers/I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars."
  • 17 Mr Hilter
    Classic line: "You've got the wrong map, there - this is Stalingrad. You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section."
  • 18 Nudge, Nudge
    Classic line: "A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!"
  • 19 Bruce
    Classic line: "Bruce here teaches logical positivism... and is also in charge of the sheep dip."
  • 20 The Funniest Joke In The World
    Classic line: "Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to 50 yards."
  • 21 Travel Agent
    Classic line: "Stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel..."
  • 22 Self-Defence Against Fruit
    Classic line: "How about cherries?" "We've done them." "Red AND black?" "Yes!"
  • 23 The History Of The Joke
    Classic line: "Popular as this jest has always been, however, it cannot compare with the ribald connotations associated with the despatch of an edible missile."
  • 24 Hell's Grannies
    Classic line: "If she can't get the wool, she gets violent."
  • 25 Four Yorkshiremen
    Classic line: "We used to dream of living in a corridor!"
  • 26 Architects
    Classic line: "You lousy, hypocritical, whining toadies, with your lousy coloured TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleedin' masonic handshakes!"
  • 27 Silly Olympics
    Classic line: "The second semi-final of the 100 yards for people with no sense of direction."
  • 28 Dirty Fork
    Classic line: "Mungo! Mungo! Never kill a customer."
  • 29 Crunchy Frog
    Classic line: "If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?!"
  • 30 The Dead Parrot
    Classic line: "Pining for the fjords?!"
    (Bonus video: the stage version, with Michael Palin corpsing)