Polanski To Offer Cash and Cuddliness For Release

Roman Polanski, the film director currently imprisoned in Switzerland, is planning to offer a new bail for his release this week.
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It was either that title or, "Polanski Offers Release for Cash and Cuddliness." A toss up, right? Oh, and for those who haven't read the transcript of the victim's testimony,"cuddliness" is how the 13-year-old girl referred to Polanski putting his mouth on her vagina.

Yes, according to The Hollywood Reporter, "A French lawyer for director Roman Polanski, imprisoned in Switzerland, says a new bail offer will be filed Monday and it will be a 'very, very significant' cash amount."

After Switzerland was done peeing itself with laughter the lawyer went on to tell Switzerland not to worry about Polanski running because he would "never behave like a fugitive." Meaning, he won't illegally flee prosecution from a country where he has a home and he won't steer clear of that country's borders and authorities for thirty years. The lawyer then told Switzerland that Roman is available for babysitting.

Some of you are probably wondering why I'm still writing about this. I don't know, maybe it was Bernard-Henri Levy's piece. Who is Bernard Henri-Levy, you ask? A philosopher. That's right, a philosopher. He's actually a writer, but when you're narcissistically unaware of the existence of the other humans you describe yourself as a "philosopher." Anyway, in this one piece (click if you must) he gives us a list of "shamefuls," like how "It is shameful to throw a 76-year-old man into prison for unlawful sex committed 32 years ago." Oh, that reminds me, "philosopher" is also French for douchebag.

The fact that Polanski himself is the reason for the 32 year delay in prosecution is completely lost on Polanski's apologists. As retired Judge H. Lee Sarokin said so eloquently, "It would mean that the fugitive who is most successful in eluding capture gains an advantage over one who is less successful, which, in turn, would mean that the wealthier criminal would have a greater chance of avoiding extradition than the poorer one." Let's also not forget that the flight from prosecution was not a crime that was committed 32 years ago but was in fact a crime committed every single day Polanski remained a fugitive.

But, of all the Polanski ironies, the greatest one of all is the sheer audacity, the outrageousness, the tone-deafness, and the stunning arrogance of offering a "very, very significant" amount of cash for release, after the court has expressly denied bail. In America, we have a name for that. Bribery. But don't worry, Roman Polanski would never do that.

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