Politics Is Ass Warfare

Politics Is Ass Warfare
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Shut up, Republicans. What's the big deal about taxing people who can afford it? And don't think you're off the hook, Democrats. Half the reason you caused such a ruckus was because you've let the Tea Party control the national agenda for so long that a bold move reads like a fluke. If there is a conclusion to be drawn from Congress' lowest approval rating in history, it is this:

Forget class warfare. Politics is ass warfare.

It's one set of self-serving asses going head-to-head (or is it butt-to-butt?) with another set of self-serving asses. These asses have let special interest partisan politics prevent them from transcending their ass status by continuing to be the type of asses who put their personal-ass needs above the needs of the people their asses represent. The fact that these asses don't seem to care that their unmitigated assiness has led to a record number of voters who would like to kick their asses out of their stupid-ass seats only makes their asshat behaviors even more of a pain in the ass. Even within their own-ass parties, these asses can't overcome their ass-like nature. Half of voting Republicans disapprove of their own dumb-ass representatives' asses and 43 percent of Democrats think the asses they elected are as assy as ass can be.

Even worse, these asses can't reach any compromises between the opinion of one ass and the viewpoint of the other ass because, being asses, they don't know how to not be ass enough to engage in a little ass-free discourse that might benefit the asses of the constituents the overpaid asses claim to stand for. And then, in an asinine fashion only achievable by true asses, the asses appear in the ass-laden media, in the hopes that some lame-ass sound bite will nullify what asses they are and make everyone forget that the people whose asses are really in a sling are the working people who are getting more and more of their services taken away because of asses like these asses.

So take your concept of "warfare" and shove it up your class.

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the web can be found here.

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