I'm Not Watching Another "Epic" Television Series Until You Give It A Six-Season Run

A Picture Of A Child I Found Using The TV Like An Idiot (I Didn't Find The Child I Found The Picture)

Like most things, the title of this article is something I don't take seriously. I'll continue to watch things as they're pumped through a coaxial cable (HDMI now?) and into my retinas. Will I be watching Revolution? Yes. 666 Park Whatever? Yes. But that being said, what the fuck is going on? I watched, in no particular order, Awake, The Event, V, FlashForward, Alcatraz, Terra Nova, and even The River. I should get a t-shirt because aside from each and every one of these shows supposedly being the next Lost (spoiler alert, they weren't), they share one big thing in common; they were all cancelled after season one. That's dumb to me!

Sure, I've seen Network. I vaguely understand what a HUD is, and sometimes when I pass the Nielsen building on Broadway I'll cross my heart like an old Catholic woman. But that doesn't mean I'll understand why networks are content to throw new content at us have it gain a (very) small fan base, and then kill it execution style at the upfronts by just, you know, not mentioning it.

I lied again. I mean, I understand why they do it, I think. I haven't crunched the numbers or whatever (I'm a ranter not a researcher), I just think audiences would be less inclined to get into a new "epic" show if the last "epic" show they watched ended after 12 episodes and left them with an infinite amount of questions plot-wise. If I were a husband and I promised my wife a great anniversary evening (Lost, in this example) then it would only make sense that next year I follow it up with an equally good anniversary evening (FlashForward). However, this time around, instead of taking her on a date to the movie, dinner, bowling, weird-church-thing-at-the-end-that-we-all-have-our-own-opinions-about, I got her in the car and then dropped her off on the side of the highway to be murdered by "Sixers" (use that reference while you can). I'd also like to clarify here that this is purely metaphorical and I wouldn't drop off my fictional wife on the side of a highway unless, of course, there was some very exclusive club she wanted to get into and the only way to get in was to be thrown out of a moving car near a highway.

But I digress. What I'm saying is that I have a Lost-filled hole (note to self: Lost-filled donuts) in my heart and it's the next Lloyd Braun's responsibility to fill it up. But don't fill it up with a Frankensteinian (that's a word now) combo of season ones. Fill it up with loooooooong shows that hook us until the end and give us mysteries that can't be wrapped up so succinctly. And while we're at it, give those season ones a chance! But more importantly, I swear to God if you gave a showrunner a six-season run off the bat and said "We're so confident this is the next Lost we're backing it for six seasons" people would watch it. For a little while. Probably. Maybe. I hope. But what do I know? I grew up on television.