'Tis the season...for weddings. Yay or nay? Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing is attending a wedding as a single, divorcee. The romance, the dancing, the 'love' in the air is enough to choke the bitterness right out of us.
My first wedding post divorce, was a strange affair. I remember coming home after, flopping on the couch with a deep sigh. "That was one of the worst weddings I've ever been to." I said to no one in particular. I just wanted to get my dress off, put some sweat pants on and forget it happened.
It's not that it was sticky sweet, quite the contrary. The bride wore pants. They served coffee. The appointed service time was 11am---on a Sunday. So, no it wasn't overly romantic. It was just a combination of things that made me incredibly uncomfortable. Also, being a 'single' without someone to complain to under my breath made it even worse. I stood there feeling lost, looking for someone to mingle with over coffee. I wished I could disappear into the 1940's wallpaper that covered the quaint Inn walls.
Even if you bring a plus one, what if your friends don't see them as a plus? They compare him/her to your ex? Or, you don't have a plus one? No problem. Make like Debra Messing in The Wedding Date and buy one.
Maybe you go solo and watch the first dance while schmoozing with the Maid of Honor, discussing the divorce rate. You could inquire about the Pre-Nup and roll your eyes when you find out there isn't one--muttering 'idiots' under your breath. Which brings me to what not to do...
What NOT to do this wedding season...
1 Drink the whole bottle of champagne before the dinner and then get the hiccups during speeches.
2 stay home and forget to send a gift
3 Talk about your divorce
4 photo bomb every family picture (with a frown)
5 Hit on the Groom
Okay, I know you would never do any of these things but sometimes we feel so out of place and so unhappy with our own love life especially when our divorce is fresh...that we don't even realize how we're coming across. Weddings are just so 'hopeful' and full of 'romance' and we're feeling the complete opposite. So, yes it's going to feel like a chore, which brings me to what to do...
What to DO this wedding season...
1. Show up looking your best -if that means a day at the spa and a new dress...then DO
2. Leave your divorce story at home on the couch--it doesn't define you
3. Bring your 'single man' binoculars--seek out a handsome single man to share a dance or two
4. Hire a hot date--think The Wedding Date
5. Take a good friend as your plus one
If you still don't feel you can stomach the whole scene, maybe you are better off to send the gift and stay home. There's nothing wrong with knowing in your heart how much you can handle on the wedding circuit and when to say 'no'.
Maybe one of these movies will get you in the mood. At least they're sure to exemplify what NOT to do...while providing a few laughs:
Let's enjoy a little champagne, remember to smile and finally, be there with our family and friends. You can do it, with or without a plus one! So, put your lipstick on and get going. Don't forget, you're beautiful!
Are you attending any weddings this season? Do you have a wedding story or a tip for the Divorcee?