At the end of the day, I love sitting down and scrolling through my Facebook feed to see what's going on with my pals. I always enjoy seeing new pictures of kids (aw), updates on jobs (yay), and shared articles (interesting).
You know what I do not enjoy? I do not enjoy seeing pictures of spiders.
They show up with surprising regularity, usually for one of three reasons:
1) The "What Kind of Spider is This?"
GOOD LORD why are you so CLOSE?! I wouldn't get that close to Ryan Reynolds, let alone some giant spider I can't identify. Stop it.
2) The "Look What I Found"
You are so adorable and breezy and KILL IT WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. No.
3) And the "Just Wanted to Ruin Your Day With Some Knowledge"
Get out of here with this, Spider Scientist. A giant spider covered in spider babies? Did you hit your head?
Dear Everyone Who Posts These Pictures,
Honestly, what are you thinking with this picture business? Who hurt you? Show me on the doll where the spider touched you. We can get through this. Let me start by introducing you to Google, it's a place where you can find the answer to just about anything. Here, this link will help you identify that insane eight-legged monster. Then, maybe order an insecticide on Amazon. Finally, if you are just looking for Facebook interaction, consider posting about less-offensive things, like politics or formula-feeding.
Glad we had this talk.
P.S. You should definitely set your house on fire. I'm sorry.
As far as I'm concerned, posting photos of spiders is right up there with sharing photos of bowel movements and images of open, festering wounds. I don't want to see your poop, I don't want to see your ooze, and I definitely do not want to see your spider. This is not what Mark Zuckerberg died for, you guys. Just stop it. For humanity.
Read more from Heather at The Spohrs Are Multiplying