THE BLOG

Drop the New Year's Resolutions and Create Real Lasting Change

01/05/2015 04:36pm ET | Updated December 6, 2017
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Each year we kick off the new year with the best of intentions. We set our goals and make our lists. Sometimes we see results, and sometimes we don't. Most of us strive for outer results such as more money, weight loss or a new job. These are all great goals to have, but the truth is, they are just an external mask for what we are really desiring within. Let's face it, when we take a moment to get really honest with ourselves, all that we truly desire is to feel good from within and be more of who we really are. Feeling whole, content and at peace with who we are sets the most powerful foundation for creating the real kind of change that our soul truly longs for. Here I share my top 10 inner changes that have shifted me in more ways than I could have imagined. It is crucial to engage in these changes as a moment by moment practice rather than just at the beginning of each year. May they resonate with you and serve you well.

1. Take 100 Percent Responsibility -- Notice that we are the only common denominator in what is occurring for us. Taking this level of responsibility enables us to see that it is only ourselves that can create the change that we wish to see. We make a conscious choice to stop looking outward at everything and everyone and we begin to look inward. We observe our own beliefs, emotions and behaviors that have been running the show. We are courageous enough to ask ourselves important questions and honest enough to give ourselves truthful answers. We let go of blaming the government, our partners, our parents, our kids, our bosses etc. and we ask, "Who do I need to be?" and "What actions do I need to take?"

2. Be Aware of the Intention Behind Your Words -- Their is a common misconception that the words that we speak create our reality. The words that we speak are indeed important, but what's more important is that we become aware of our intentions behind what we say to ourselves and to the rest of the world. We can intend many different meanings around the same words. Our intentions behind the messages we express to ourselves and to the world are always directing our next steps in whom we choose to become and how we choose to feel.

3. Develop Awareness around your Beliefs! -- A belief is simply a thought we think over and over again and only becomes true because we say it is. The good news is we get to create new and empowering beliefs in every moment. When we begin to pay attention to our thoughts and beliefs, we then begin to see which ones are serving you and which ones aren't. Beliefs such as "I am deserving of healthy, empowering friendships" will enable us to create just that. A belief such as "I am not deserving" will give us that experience too. This year make a commitment to yourself to identify the beliefs that are keeping you limited and replace them with ones that make you FEEL good!

4. Practice Genuine Gratitude -- In every moment, we are either noticing lack or we are noticing abundance. The more we focus on lack, the more we will have the "there never is enough" mentality. The more we focus on abundance, the more we will witness abundance in our lives. Begin each day being grateful for everything, not just the good stuff. If you can't identify anything to be grateful for, begin with your breath. You were given the gift of life! Feelings of gratitude create more feelings of gratitude! Bonus: Practice being grateful for your most undesired circumstances as well as the people that most push your buttons. The challenges handed to us through the people and circumstances in our lives are usually offering us our greatest lessons. Be grateful for all that is being presented to you. You are always being given an opportunity to grow, expand and develop higher awareness and there is no better way to receive that opportunity than through pure gratitude. We won't notice the gifts life wants to offer us if we are busy complaining.

5. Practice Forgiveness -- Notice when you are blaming someone else for you not being the "you" that you wish to be. Notice when you are blaming them for not having the results that you wish to have. We may not even be aware that we have been doing this for most of our lives until we begin to question it. So take a moment and ask, "Who do I believe is at fault for my unwanted circumstances?" Get honest. Practice forgiveness towards them and yourself. Truly forgiving means allowing everything to be as they are meant to be and being willing to uncover the gifts from the pain of the past. Our soul's purpose may even be revealed as a result of us forgiving. We can never tell what the gift of forgiveness will show us, but just know it is always miraculous! So let go and know that everyone is always doing the very best they can at their own level of awareness.

6. Trust -- Be open to trusting that the Universe, God, Spirit has a much bigger plan for you than what your little mind can perceive. We are not here to play small. We are not here to please others. We are certainly not here to suffer and we are not here to be bored with life. We are here to express our truth and use our gifts in service to each other and ourselves. So trust that when your deepest desires are coming from your heart, the Universe will be there to support you! Trust will take you to places you never imagined possible! You can trust me on this.

7. Practice Non-Judgement -- Notice when you are blaming someone else for not being who you "think" they should be. This could be a parent, friend, partner, boss, etc. The truth here is that anything we dislike in another is a quality we have disowned within ourselves. So the next time, you notice yourself judging another, ask, "How am I being that now?" "How have I been that in my past?" or "Do I have the potential to be that in the future?" Be honest. When you drop all judgments and blame towards others, you have nowhere else to look but yourself and that is the only place where real change can occur.

8. Lead from your Heart -- Move out of the "How can I GET" mentality and into the "How can I GIVE" mentality. Stop denying your gifts and know that you were meant to share them with the world. Giving from your heart allows you to get out of your own way. Know that you are worthy and deserving. When you take a stand for yourself, the Universe will take a stand for you.

9. Live in the Moment -- All of the above tips are to help you reach this place -- the only place that ever really exists is now. Most of us believe we really are living in the moment, however if we continually desire outcomes other than the ones we are receiving, we are living in our past or our future. If we are experiencing anxiety, tension, stress or worry, we are living in the future. If we are experiencing guilt, regret, sadness, bitterness or resentment, we are living in the past. If we wish to create an unimaginable tomorrow, we must BE different today. We must be at peace with our past and have unwavering faith in our future so that we can feel clear and at peace today. Feeling clear, at peace and inspired by life is a sure sign that we are living in the moment.

10. Take Inspired Action -- When you are in the moment, you can't help but act from a place of love. You step out of the past and let go of the old resentments, thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that aren't serving you. You clear out the fear that has been running the show and you welcome in self-love as the new director of your life. You are present enough to hear what your inner voice is guiding you to do and you are clear enough to listen to it. As a result, you are free to be whoever you wish to be and you are free to create from your heart rather than what your mind believes is safe and acceptable.

My wish for you this year is to let go of your old stories, be more of who you really are, lead with your heart and feel pure joy.