President Donald Trump's Acceptance Speech Was Surprisingly Coherent

The 2016 Presidential Election certainly didn't go down the way we were expecting at the Outspeak office. With Hillary Clinton refusing to make a public concession speech and Donald Trump becoming the 45th President of the United States, we're left reeling in disbelief. We figured he'd deliver a speech targeting those who didn't vote for him but instead he delivered a painfully rehearsed speech that felt manipulative and downright dangerous. At least he did attempt to appeal to those who did not vote for him with a promise of unifying the country.

First Mike Pence took to the podium looking like a sun baked idiot squinting in the glare of the non-existent sun. He was positively overcome with excitement (we're kidding, he looked like a robot straight out of Westworld) about his new position of Vice President of the United States. He didn't really say much other than, "Let's make America great again."

Then, the orange incarnate, AKA the 45th President of the United States, shuffled his way to the podium like some sort of sloth-like sexual predator. At 11:50 PST Trump took the stage to thank the American people. He started out by calling the election "complicated business." On that, we can agree.

Trump said Clinton has congratulated "us" on a hard fought campaign over the phone. He spent some time vaguely talking about Hillary and her service to the country, repeating the same words several times. He then pledged to the American people, something that was important to him: to be a good President to even those who didn't support him. He spoke of unifying the American population, and wanting to help even those who did not vote for him. This was a small consolation in a night of sorrows.

trump speech

The whole thing was rather hard to watch when you can see the stock marketing hitting record lows directly beside Trump's podium and the sad boy who lingers at the right side of the stage like his prisoner. He made more vague promises about rebuilding the country, taking care of veterans, and "tremendous" security.

As Trump went on, he made sure to let us know his plan is to make America as great as his companies. He said he wanted our nation to dream big once again, and to seek common ground. It all felt incredibly forced and phony, mostly because of how calm he remained throughout the speech. A calm Trump is a scary Trump.

He proceeded to thank his bizarre family, listing them each by name. To be fair, they must have a lot of patience to deal with a man like Trump on a regular basis. The thanks continued on for a while, and even the human skeleton with eyes (and known idiot), Rudy Giuliani, made the lengthy list.

He treated the tail end of the speech like a dude-bro getting his diploma by naming off all the "great men" he knows. Every name was greeted by cheers from the crowd and at a certain point it didn't seem like the bragging would end. It really did go on for a long time, believe me. It went on big league.

Trump did admit that in order to be truly "historic, you have to do a great job." And this is the absolute truth. We don't believe it, not in the slightest, but dear lords above and below, do we hope we are dead wrong. His resolution to begin working immediately is worrisome, and while the two years of campaigning are over, he made it clear that with four, possibly eight years, the nightmare has only just begun.