President Palin's First Cabinet Meeting

The following is a partial record of her first cabinet meeting that has been reconstructed from files that survived World War III.
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Following the death of President John McCain from cancer (March 13, 2010) Vice President Sarah Palin was sworn in as President. The following is a partial record of her first cabinet meeting that has been reconstructed from files that survived World War III.

Secretary of State Dr. James Dobson: Madame President could you outline your priorities and approach to our Middle Eastern and Israel policy?

President Palin: Sure Jim, here's a few points that all us ordinary Americans from small towns know in our hearts are important. Please open your Bibles and follow along.

1. Attempts by Jewish groups to destroy the Dome of the Rock and rebuild the Temple have my support.

2. Any attempt to rebuild the Temple will very likely ignite an apocalyptic war with Muslim terrorists worldwide and bring back our Lord and Savior.

3. The case for rebuilding the Temple is based on the biblical belief that only through the reintroduction of the sacrificial system can Jewish people atone for their sins.

Secretary of Defense, Pastor Hagee: Madame President could you outline the priorities you'd like to have the Pentagon pursue?

President Palin: Sure Mr. Secretary. I have asked the Department of Defense to review the following biblical passages: 2 Samuel 7:1-17; John 4:21-24; Hebrews 9-10; Ephesians 2:19-21; 1 Corinthians 6:19; 2 Corinthians 6:16; 1 Peter 2:9; Revelation 21:9-27.

After this meeting I am asking all members of the cabinet and all our fine generals to review the following questions for further military planning study:

1. What role did the Temple fulfill under the Old Covenant?

2. How will the future Temple in Jerusalem undermine the militant Muslims we have to fight and win against?

3. What does the Bible say about the Rapture?

4. I want all our intelligence assets pulled off whatever they're doing now to draw up a list of likely locations for the return of Jesus Christ so we'll be ready.

Read the Signs of the Times gentlemen! Armageddon and 'I'm a gettin' out o' here' is on the way!

Secretary of Homeland Security, Reverend Franklin Graham: Madame President, How should we defend the homeland in the light of Christ's return?

President Palin: Don't worry Franklin, Jesus is on our side! So just be watchful. Be faithful. I want you all to note what this hockey mom has had laid on her heart this morning. Follow along, please!

1. The Left Behind books have created a great opportunity for the Lord to work.

2. The End Times world view must shape US foreign policy in the Middle East destabilizing the so-called peace process and all that East Coast global warming crap too.

3. Armageddon is a biblical reference to an apocalyptic nuclear holocaust AND the cosmic battle between good and evil! The United States of America will win that battle gentlemen!

Secretary of Education Sean Hannity: Madame President any word for our non-union school teachers?

President Palin: Yes, Sean. Instead of science and all that global warming crap I want every American student to make a personal study of Christian Zionism which was first revealed by God to the British associated with JN Darby and Edward Irving in the 1830s. See? It's history too, as in HIS--that's Jesus!--STORY! This was brought to the United States by God where it became enshrined by the Lord in Dispensational Bible colleges and, for example, the Schofield Bible in 1909. These truths faded in England, but were anointed by God in the USA...

All members of the Cabinet: USA! USA! USA! USA! US...

President Palin: Enough! That's it Gentleman! You have your priorities now! Go forth! O, one last thing: The official position of the United States Government is henceforth the traditional premillennial dispensational eschatology believing the ingathering of the Jews to Palestine to be the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies. All international policy, economic and military planning is to reflect this truth, did I say "this truth"? No gentlemen! Correction: THE TRUTH!

Frank Schaeffer is the author of CRAZY FOR GOD-How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back. Frank wishes to thank Stephen Sizer for letting him use some material in this blog from the book Zion's Christian Soldiers

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