Once again, President Tweety has claimed that Americans who march in protest of his policies or of him personally are doing so for pay. His latest accusation came in an Easter tirade on Sunday, one day after citizens in cities as far flung as New York and Birmingham hit the streets to demand that he release his tax returns.
I am going to take him at his word that events like these are part of a vast left-wing conspiracy, orchestrated and funded. And I would like to ask a simple question: Where do I sign up?
I have been protesting on my own dime, but I would like to have something to show for my patriotic efforts besides sunburn and sore feet.
There have been reports in various right-wing media outlets that indicate that George Soros is picking up the tab for all this anti-Trump ruckus. Or was it George Clooney? Anyway, whoever it is -- George Clinton, George of the Jungle, Curious George -- I am awaiting marching orders and a check. And I am assuming, given that this is some liberal/progressive’s plot, that the pay is above minimum wage.
So far I have only attended rallies and protests in Athens, Georgia, my home town, and in Atlanta. I have asked protesters I have encountered who recruited them and how much they're getting, but nobody has admitted to it. In fact, they scoff or get offended or look at me like I'm crazy: “Are you kidding? He's a pig.”
Well, yeah. But that’s also exactly what a paid conspirator would say.
I want in on this. No more pro bono. I am a one-man coalition of the willing. For the right price I'll go anywhere. I am kind of like Paladin: Have “Not My President”sign, will travel.
In many ways, I would be an ideal recruit. I'm a white guy with short hair. I am retired but still ambulatory. I'm a pensioner who could use the extra income, senior discounts notwithstanding. Also, my wife believes I spend way too much time on Facebook and need to get out more.
So, if one of the Georges or whomever is funding these anti-Trump street parties is reading this, please use the comments section below to give me an address or phone number. I'll make contact. I would list my home address, but you know how it is. There are trolls out there, and gun nuts.
I am ready to fatten my wallet. I will also protest for food, but I would expect at least Olive Garden if we are talking coupons instead of cash.
To the barricades.
And the bank.