As we prepare for the final presidential debate of 2016 (thank you jeebus), I would like to share this important public service announcement. Please avoid the ubiquitus “Debate Drinking Game.”
A deeply held tradition in some areas, a Debate Drinking Game (DDG) is a social activity for people who want to make the debates into a party or who generally find politics boring but would like to pretend otherwise at the water cooler the next day.
During the DDG, a predetermined list of criteria is used to indicate when participants should take a shot of the alcoholic beverage of their choice.There are rumors of one extremely liberal woman who, during the 2004 Bush/Kerry debate, chose to have a viewing party with two republican friends. To deal with the social awkwardness of the situation, a DDG began. The night ended when she threw up from one too many shots of “whatever was cheap.”
To reiterate, that was Bush/Kerry, a contentious election to be sure; however, it was basically two old white dudes with creepy grins arguing over the same shit old white dudes have been arguing over since the dawn of time.
Some are calling the 2016 Trump/Clinton debates the “DDGs of the ages.”
Below are some of the potential drinking triggers [and the likely results]:
“Listen…” [Death]
“Make America Great Again!” [Death]
“Believe me” [Death]
“ISIS” [Death]
“Tremendous” [Death]
A disparaging remark is made against a minority group or against women. [Death]
Trump incites violence. [Death]
Someone mentions Hillary’s emails. [Death]
Hillary is called a liar. [Death]
“Middle Class” [Death]
“Russia” [Death]
If you or a loved one is considering participating in a DDG, please update your will and remember that emergency services will likely be overwhelmed by the number of alcohol-related calls tonight and may need additional time to reach your location.
Keep in mind as you watch the human cheese doodle act like a kid who has to give an oral presentation on a book he refuses to admit he didn’t read: If you die of alcohol poisoning, you can’t vote against him.
*****
Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter.