Pushing America's Reset Button


I want the world to go back to Default and be as it once was, when Congress and the Supreme Court were admired and respected, no politician would publicly criticize the U.S. while overseas, and everybody knew that Hawaii was a state. That was when "Made in China" on the bottom of a teacup was thrilling, Persia was a far-away place of mystery and intrigue (ever heard of an Iranian rug?), and Made in America meant the product might even outlast the buyer.

Default U.S.A. was when news stories were triple checked before they were published, congressmen were satisfied with having a bridge named after them, and Supreme Court Justices applied common sense instead of politics to the laws of the land. Believe it or not, citizens were enthusiastically encouraged to vote, not discouraged by political henchbullies.

True, there was the occasional corrupt representative like Boss Tweed, but at least he kept his johnson in his jeans. Besides, we threw them out, unlike today where we reelect them even though they are insufficiently cool. Without a reset button, we'll continue to allow media fear-mongering, greedy lobbyists, and lies, lies, lies everywhere. We can no longer believe what we read, we can't believe photos, and I'm not sure we can believe what we're actually seeing. We'll continue to applaud athletes who'd never make the big time without dope, decisions handed down by Supreme Court that seem anti-American, guns blasting innocent people, power-hungry moguls gobbling up our government, and news cycles that loop the same story until you go into a boredom-induced coma. Compared to today's scary shenanigans where our politicians are either rabid rabbits or Hannible Lecter, even Tammany Hall comes off like Mother Theresa.

What if these are the good old days?

So o.k, maybe, in self-defense, it's time to limit "news" to my own home where I know the information is accurate. The cable went out, the Sprinkler System's on strike, my new laptop is dyslexic and "Save" means "Delete," and my printer passed away yesterday. When household appliances and cars were made in the U.S.A., you died before they did.

When even that turned out to be depressing, I just gave up and shrank into my own head to ponder things like these:

*Why did they stop making '38 Buicks?

*Why are they called Flemish painters when there's no country named Flem?

*Did Adam really even like the nagging Eve?

*Why do insurance companies advertise how little their policies cost, yet never say if they pay your claim?

*Why don't schools teach how stupid Custer really was?

*Why do we have studies like the Nobel-Prize-winning one that discovered dog fleas jump higher than cat fleas? Another study finds that not sleeping well makes you look tired the next day. Really???

*There's nothing common about it so why isn't it called rare sense?

*Why does it mean that your TV is off when the light is on, and on when the light is off?

*Why did they mess with our tomatoes until they taste like the mouthpiece of a public telephone?

*Does the phrase, "guaranteed pre-owned" mean they can prove the used car on their lot was definitely used?

*Why do fashion models look like a tuning fork?

I was pondering these questions while stopped at a red light. An avid reader, I noticed the bumper sticker of the car in front. It said: "Jesus is coming. Look busy." I got a big smile out of that. Then I looked up and saw a pair of sneakers that someone had hurled onto the telephone wires.

For just a moment or two, someone up there pushed America's reset button, and life is good again.