Q&A on Trump Gitmo

Rob Taub: Mr. Trump, you've discussed banning and deporting immigrants, but what are your plans for incarcerating criminals and other people that you deem stupid and generally worthy of detention?


Donald Trump
: When I'm elected president I will open a new wing at Gitmo -- Trump Gitmo -- and it will be terrific. I will bring in the best people to run it, and I already have a short list of the top Grand Inquisitors in the country.

Rob Taub: How will you decide who's worthy of incarceration? Will there be a religious test, an IQ test or perhaps both? Are there any physical challenges being considered?


Donald Trump
: I'm noticing a slightly flippant tone from you that I don't care for. When I'm president I won't tolerate unapproved questions from journalists, even the really smart, good looking one's like Megyn Kelly.

Rob Taub: So will there be a "journalist section" at Trump Gitmo?

Donald Trump: That may be the only smart thing you've ever said, considering you're fat. Has anyone ever mentioned you're fat?

Rob Taub: A group of drunken frat boys once called me fat. And you called me fat on Twitter last week.


Donald Trump
: Did I ever tell you that you're stupid?

Rob Taub: I believe that was yesterday on Facebook.

Donald Trump: Yeah, well I'm gonna open that journalist section at Trump Gitmo and for the first time ever in my life it will only be second best. A dope like you doesn't rate my top people so you won't get the Grand Inquisitor, just the Baby Grand Inquisitor. It's a smaller, less expensive version but a top one nonetheless that can still create beautiful noises.

Rob Taub: Who is going to pay for all of this?

Donald Trump: I will make the Cuban people pay for it. We will charge admission for tours of Trump Gitmo and they will be fantastic. I'll find some losers from Celebrity Apprentice who will design the gift shop and the sales from that will be fantastic and probably balance the budget and save our economy from all the jerks that run this country.

Rob Taub: Speaking of jerks, how exactly will you ban Muslims from our country? Will you ask if they are or have ever been a Muslim?

Donald Trump: Did you just call me a jerk? I have top attorneys that sue idiots like you for slander. You just gave me a terrific idea. Mandatory vasectomies for idiots...