When the dog bites, or the bee stings, or I'm feeling sad, Maria has a number of solutions. But not all favorite things are created equal. Here, we rank them from least to most helpful in a tough situation.
14. Snowflakes That Stay On My Nose And Eyelashes
Now you're cold.
13. Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With Strings
Maybe this was what presents looked like back in the day, but now it's the kind of box a serial killer uses to send the fingers of victims to their families.
12. Raindrops On Roses
How would this help?
11. Schnitzel With Noodles
Not sure what schnitzel is. Sounds slimy.
10. Sleigh Bells
Maybe if you have a sleigh.
9. Girls In White Dresses With Blue Satin Sashes
Are you a pedophile? Why aren't these girls in school? This is very gender stereotyping, and white shows dirt so easily.
8. Warm Woolen Mittens
Warm is good but wool is itchy.
7. Doorbells
Helpful.
6. Bright Copper Kettles
Nice.
5. Wild Geese That Fly With The Moon On Their Wings
Nice!
4. Crisp Apple Strudel
Yum.
3. Whiskers On Kittens
Kittens in general, really.
2. Silver White Winters That Melt Into Springs
Who doesn't like seasons?
1. Cream Colored Ponies
Actually, a pony of any color. If you are in a bad mood, try to get a pony.