New Years Eve, 2015 - it kinda sucked, I've got to say.
Six months ago, my 25-year marriage ended. This was my first New Years Eve post-separation. It's not like I've ever really celebrated NY Eve in a big way, but this year was pretty pitiful.
At work this morning, a co-worker innocently mentioned that she ran into my ex and two of our friends at a bar last night. "Oh, we had a great time hanging out! So much fun! ... What did you do for New Years?"
Well, let's see. What did I do? Hmmm. I spent some quality time curled up in a ball crying into my pillow. That was fun!
I don't want to give the impression that I'm a complete basket case since the separation, I'm not. But it's been painful to grieve this loss. The loneliness and isolation of it all took me by surprise. Starting over is scary - facing an unknown future, looking in the mirror and seeing an older version of myself staring back, wondering whether anyone will ever love me again.
This is a hard time. But it's okay that it's hard. You can't grow if you never allow yourself to be uncomfortable. I know I will get through it. I know I will find my way to the other side.
In my own quiet, and fairly sad way last night, I said goodbye to 2015. And now I am ready to welcome in the new year. A whole new life is ahead of me, and how I shape that life is entirely up to me.
Life-altering changes like this offer us the opportunity to make very conscious choices about how we want to live, what we want to do with our finite time on this planet, and who we want to be. It may not be comfortable, but it's good and worthwhile.
In 2016, I will find my new tribe. I will bring more friends into my life. I will learn to be kinder to myself. And I will move forward, consciously and whole-heartedly, into my new life.