REAGAN: The Drinking Game

It's Cleveland in July, when young (well, middle-aged) Republicans' thoughts turn to love. Love of Ronald Reagan, that is. As the Republican National Convention convenes to... ummm... enthusiastically nominate Donald Trump for President of the United States, look forward to speeches about the future being infused with the past as convention planners try to convince hold-out Republicans that Donald Trump is the Gipper reincarnated with even better hair.

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence started the trend last week when he compared Trump to Reagan during his first speech as the 2016 GOP VP nominee. "Donald Trump understands the frustrations and the hopes of the American people like no leader since Ronald Reagan," Pence said. He went on to explain. "I actually started in politics in the other party, but when I came of age I was inspired by the ideals and the eloquence of our 40th president and I became a Republican." Now, apparently, Pence is inspired by the ideals and eloquence of Donald Trump.

I'm no Reagan fan myself, but even I will concede there are some similarities. After all:

• "Donald" rhymes with "Ronald."

• President Reagan's "Western White House" was his beloved Santa Barbara ranch. Trump Steaks came from cows that once lived on a ranch.

• President Reagan signaled the end of the Cold War and the Soviet Union when he went to Berlin and implored of his counterpart, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" Donald Trump signaled the end of the Republican relationship with Latino voters when he went to Texas and proclaimed, "I will build a big, beautiful wall."

There's only one way to handle the GOP close-your-eyes-and-pretend-he's-Reagan-fest we are about to behold.

Drink. To excess. Make a game of it.

REAGAN: The Drinking Game.

It's perfect for any gathering of responsible Republicans, moderate Republicans, establishment Republicans, "socially liberal but fiscally conservative" Republicans, and even libertarians. Progressives and liberals will enjoy it too. Yes friends, as you buckle in to watch four days of "Mistake by the Lake," why not have a little fun.

Here's how you play...


An ample supply of your favorite Trump Wine: It doesn't matter if you prefer the "medium bodied Bordeaux blend" Meritage, the Blanc de Blanc's notes of green apple, lemon, pear and brioche, or the "fresh" and "creamy" Chardonnay, with its "subtle notes of butterscotch and spice." What's important is that you have a lot of it on hand. A whole lot.


If you hear... You...
Any speaker reference President Reagan Drink once.
Any speaker reference similarities between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan Drink once for each similarity.
Mike Pence reference Ronald Reagan


Mike Pence explain his love for Ronald Reagan and how this has translated into a love of Donald Trump

Drink twice for each reference.
Just go ahead and DRINK THE WHOLE TIME PENCE IS TALKING, as he has obviously been drinking since Trump asked him to be VP.
Donald Trump reference Ronald Reagan Do NOT drink. After all, Trump is a teetotaler.
Donald Trump make any reference to how much more beloved he will be than President Reagan Say "Nancy Nancy Nancy, what should I do?" Then drink, there is only so much a person can take.
Anyone mention both Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan in the same sentence Drink twice. Once with a top hat on.
Anyone reference cutting taxes, tax cuts or any variant on that theme Drink for an 11 count, once for each time President Reagan raised taxes according to former Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY)
Anyone say "Illegals" Drink 3 times, once for each million people to whom President Reagan granted amnesty when he signed the Simpson-Mazzoli Act in 1986.
Anyone say "Reduce the deficit" Drink a double to represent the doubling of the deficit under Reagan (from $79 billion to $155 billion).
"It's morning in America..." Go to bed. This is all just some weird version of Punk'd and when we wake up it will be over.


Who wins? Easy. We all win if we wake up this November with just a hangover. We can get over a hangover. What we can't get over is hearing the scariest words in the English language "I, Donald Trump, do solemnly swear . . . "