TheDailyLove.com's Mastin Kipp is back and talking about what he knows best -- love! We at "Super Soul Sunday" wanted to get his take on this week's documentary "Love Etc.," which follows five real love stories over the course of one year in New York City. Get his five tips on how to find epic love in your life, inspired by his favorite couple in the film -- elderly couple Albert and Marion. (He thinks they might just become your favorite, too!)
The title of this blog SHOULD BE "5 Tips to Live the Love of Albert and Marion." They are so connected at a soul level that it brought tears to my eyes. These two really embody what love is, and I only hope that I am blessed enough to grow up and be like them. They have a love for each other that transcends time, space, age, gender, mental conditions, life conditions and even tasteless food at the senior center. They love each other and that's a fact. It's epic love.
If you want epic love, these are some of the best tips I know that apply to men and women.
1. Fall in Love with a Soul, Not Just a Body
This is much easier for women to do than men. It's been said that men get turned on when they see a beautiful woman; women get turned on when they hear a man who cares about them and they feel can safely meet their needs. How many times have you seen a knockout woman with a guy that is less than knock-out? That's because women are not as visual as men. Given that this is a blog on Oprah.com written by the guy from TheDailyLove.com, chances are most of the folks reading this blog are female, but this information is vital for men too. If you are looking for that real soul-piercing love, you have to first love a person's spirit, then his or her body. Because as we get older, bodies change, get older, fatter, wrinklier, and sometimes they don't work as well as they used to.
This is why it's important to be not only with someone whom you have chemistry with but also, most importantly, with someone who is your friend. Sex is sex, and lust fades. But love and friendship will go on forever. You can have both -- passion and friendship -- but the deeper the connection as souls, the deeper the passion too.
2. Don't Have Sex Until You Have a Monogamous Commitment
I've never been a no-sex-until-marriage kind of guy. But I do believe that sex is one of the most sacred gifts you can give to someone else. It is sharing the most intimate and special part of you. When it comes to sex, especially for women, it can be tricky. I don't believe that women date; I think in their hearts they go from relationship to relationship. And part of this is chemical. When women come into contact with DNA from a man who lights them up, they release a ton of oxytocin -- the love drug that bonds women to men and men to women. It's just much stronger in women than men. So what happens is that women become chemically addicted to a man -- even if he isn't good for her. I always ask my female clients to negotiate a monogamous commitment before having sex, for their own good. And the few male clients that I do have, I ask them to do the same thing knowing that it will be what's best for them and their ladies.
This allows us to figure out if we are actually friends with someone first. I've had SO many female clients jump into bed in an effort to make the guy like them more, and this doesn't work. You have to figure out if you are even able to be friends before rushing into sex. In L.A. and many major cities, it's totally normal for some people to go to bed with someone on the third date -- but I'm saying wait it out. Cherish and honor yourself and your body, and let him earn you if you really want love. Some of my female clients are worried that if they don't sleep with him, he isn't coming back. To which I say, good, let him go!
3. Create a Safe Environment for Disagreements
One of the key pillars of success in a relationship is communication. This is vital: no open communication, no relationship. For many years in my life -- and I see this trend with my clients -- I felt like if I got angry or had any negative emotion, I could not express it because the other person would run. It wasn't until I met my current partner, Jenna, that I realized that it is safe to share your negative side as well. This isn't to say that you have to always be negative or that this should justify your negativity. But when you can create a safe enough communication container in a relationship, you are going to love each other more. We open our hearts by feeling safe, and we don't have to censor ourselves or walk on eggshells. This means loving yourself and your partner enough to allow them space and room to express their darkness as well. It is by shining a light on the darkness that we transform the darkness. The more we keep the darkness inside, the more powerful it becomes. So, we must let it out and communicate our thoughts and feelings, no matter what. If you are giving your partner room to do this, it is important not to take what they say personally. See past the negativity to the love in them and hold a vision of that part of them coming forward. This can do magic, and you will appreciate it when they do the same for you!
4. Realize That Your Frustration with Them Is an Unlooked-At Part of Yourself
It's easy to blame in relationships. "You did this" or "you didn't do that." But if you look at all the reasons why you want to blame someone else, check in with yourself first. Ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way?" And then say, "Why else could I feel this way?" Ask that question a few times and get to the bottom of it. Then ask, "How am I contributing to this circumstance?" When you can see that you play a part in the process too, you can clean up your side of the tracks. This is a very powerful demonstration that will hopefully inspire your partner to clean up their side of the tracks. There's no better form of inspiration than walking your talk. Like Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." This goes for your relationship too.
5. Ask, "What Would Love Do Now?"
My bro Jason Mraz wrote a song called "What Would Love Do Now?" -- and that is a great question! If you don't know, stop and ask yourself, "What would love do now?" When you make this question the cornerstone of your relationship and your life and ask this question enough, you will start to get new answers. This is a great way to step into the awareness that putting love first in all your affairs will transcend much of the drama that keeps us in lower-vibration thoughts and activities. The most important time to ask this question is when you feel mad, angry or triggered. I know that Albert and Marion ask themselves this question, whether they are conscious of it or not. But don't trust my word for it; watch "Love Etc." this Sunday on "Super Soul Sunday" and let me know what you think!
My hope for you is that you find the epic love you are looking for, first within yourself and then out in the world to share.
I love you!
Mastin
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Mastin Kipp is the CEO & Founder of TheDailyLove.com, a pop culture blog that inspires almost 600,000 people a day! To get Mastin's daily dose of love please visit www.TheDailyLove.com or visit him on Twitter and Facebook.