In my last article, I busted what I believe to be the self-care myth. It’s not about getting away for an hour for yoga or the gym, which is incredibly unrealistic for most moms. Instead, it’s about finding small moments to reset your system to become present and grounded. And, it’s about finding small moments to continually return back to yourself to feel present and grounded.
So, how do you do that?
When you are thinking about how to reset, I think about three components which are intricately interwoven but can still be addressed individually – the emotional, energetic, physical and mental. By targeting one, you affect all three, but they still make sense as three aspects of regaining center.
Emotionally:
Much of the drain that comes from a lack of self-care, comes from a complete lack of awareness about our needs. We spend so much time caring for our kids and their needs, that there is no time to reflect about our own state. We have no idea of we are tired, angry, amped up or whatever the case may be.
Simply pausing to find out how you feel and what you need can shift things completely. If I am at least aware that I’m tired or irritated, I can take the time to address those needs. At the very least, I become aware that I’m not operating at my prime. The awareness alone, helps me stay calm when my son dawdles endlessly instead of getting ready for school or climbing into his car seat.
Energetic reset:
Most parents are energetically outside of their bodies because their energy and attention is not on themselves in the present moment. Instead, we are hypervigilant about the needs of our child as we constantly scan the environment for hazards, reminding our child to stay safe, thinking ahead about risks, remember snacks and diapers and on and on. If we aren’t focused on our kids, we are usually thinking about everything that needs to get done or worrying about something that happened in the past.
When you reset energetically, you collect all the parts of yourself that are “out there” and coax them to return deep inside yourself. For me, it feels like I literally pull myself off the walls and back into my body. I instantly feel like I’ve arrived home. I’ve been studying Qigong for over 12 years now, so the idea of gathering my energetic body is second-nature to me. But anyone can think where their attention is placed or how far out your energetic bubble extends and imagine bringing it back inside yourself—containing it in a much closer range. Even taking a deep breath and feeling the exhale travel through the innermost cavities of your body and out through your feet, rooting you to the ground can work to make you feel instantly more contained and grounded.
Physically:
Throughout our day, we usually hold our breath, lift our shoulder blades toward our ears, brace ourselves with unnecessary holding throughout our system. We rarely let go and allow our bodies to be supported by the ground. It’s literally why we’ve come to say, “I feel ungrounded.” And, all our extra, unnecessary muscle tension and bracing signals to the body that there is danger. When you stop holding yourself up and rest on the supportive structure of your skeleton you can feel supported by the ground. It also gives overworked muscles a chance to relax, signaling to the body that it can stop being hypervigilant. And guess what—that sends a signal to the brain that it too can stop being hypervigilant. The body and brain get the message that it’s safe.
There are so many ways to feel more physically centered and grounded, but the simplest involve feeling your feet root into the ground. Try standing, simply focusing on your feet and their connection to the ground. Allow yourself to let go into the ground. Feel your body begin to make micro adjustments to let go of excess tension and holding. Enjoy letting go more and more.
Mentally:
Some people think of this as moments of mindfulness. It’s a moment to sit down to eat and pay attention to flavors and textures of your food instead of hovering over the plate to eat while intermittently doing dishes or cleaning up. It’s taking a moment to smell a rose in the garden, look at the moon, or sit in the sun for a few moments to feel your body moving in and out with your breathing, while your son digs in the garden. These short moments of presence, pause the constant stream of mental thoughts. They give you a break from worrying about what you did wrong in the past or fretting about the future. Instead you get a moment to pay attention to what’s happening now. By gazing at a rose, listening to the sound of birds chirping around you, feeling the sun on your body, you get to have a few pleasant moments in the here and now.
There are so many ways to become instantly present, mindful, energetically refreshed in just a moment. You probably won't be a Zen monk after these few moments, but when you string together moments of coming home to yourself, you will see a difference in your life. The highest level masters explain that it’s not about continually staying centered it’s about quickly returning to center. If you stay away from home too long, it’s harder to find your way back. But if you make an effort to return daily, it’s never that far away.
Tell me what you think. How do these short moments help shift your mindset? What kinds of things do you do in the moment to reset your system and regroup?
Sarah Kowalski is an author and somatic coach. She works with women through all stages of their journey as mothers.