With the right attitude, even the irritating aspects of married life can be not only tolerable but actually kind of amusing.
You’re probably going to roll your eyes when your spouse leaves their dirty clothes two feet from the hamper or get annoyed when your partner tries to hijack your phone charger yet again. But somehow, knowing that millions of other husbands and wives deal with the exact same thing makes you just shake your head and laugh.
Below, we’ve gathered 29 relatable tweets that hilariously capture the married experience.
My unsolicited marriage advice?— Kyle Daters (@Millenial_Dads) April 4, 2019
If you’re picking up food for the family and the wife asks you to order her two tacos. She in fact wants Three to Four tacos.
Why throw it in the hamper when I can throw it on a chair that’s 2 feet away from the hamper.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 9, 2019
- My husband
Not to brag but my wife calls our dog my girlfriend.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) April 3, 2019
Dating dude: I’m annoyed this girl stole my hoodie.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 16, 2019
Married dude: literally every piece of clothing my wife has on right now was once mine.
While digging for keys in my wife's purse, I found five years-worth of missing socks and Tupperware lids.— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) April 3, 2019
Reason my husband does the grocery shopping is because I would probably come home with cheese and a llama.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 7, 2019
Temptation Island, but it's just me and the cookies on the counter while my wife makes dinner.— C-Rex 🦖 (@C_Effin_Rex) April 9, 2019
My house has three toilets but only one bathtub. It’s time for my bath, and guess which room my husband just defiled?— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) April 4, 2019
Husband: Give me one example.— smerobin (@smerobin) April 11, 2019
Me: ALL the times.
Husband: Those don't count.
[hell]— steeve again (@steeve_again) April 9, 2019
Me: are you wearing a winter coat?
Wife: *zipping it up* I’m kinda cold
Husband: Are you going to change?— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) April 10, 2019
Me: I did. As you can CLEARLY see, I have changed into my “going out” sweat pants.
I'm a good person, BUT:— Manic Mama (@JannaKilimnik) April 10, 2019
I'll eat the pint of ice cream and then put the box away with one spoonful left. Just to tease my husband.
So my wife doesn’t like the new body wash she bought. I’ll give you two guesses who’s gonna be smelling like kiwi apricot for the next four weeks.— Gentleman Ghost 🧐👻 (@RefinedRevenant) April 10, 2019
They sit on the mall bench, nod silent hellos to each other, gingerly hold the wife’s bag as she tries on yet more clothes.— Just J (@junejuly12) April 13, 2019
These, my friends, are the true weekend warriors.
You're my wife and I love you dearly, we’re ride or die and we share many things but this charger is mine. Find your own.— Forward Marc (@RunOldMan) April 15, 2019
HUSBAND: I can’t believe you’re in your 40s. You look so young.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 4, 2019
ME: Nice try. You’re not getting the last piece of pizza.
It's not fair to say my wife holds a grudge. She has every right to be angry about that cabinet I left open six years ago.— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) April 13, 2019
Hey if anyone has insomnia my husband is available to give a detailed account of how he solved the email issue on my computer.— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 9, 2019
My husband grabbing my hair in bed...— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) April 14, 2019
Except it's just him rolling over onto my ponytail and me not being able to reach over my shoulder to wake him up so he will move.
Me: Let’s invite them over for dinner two weeks from now. It will be great!— Mummy Bunny 🐇 (@ThatMummyLife) April 7, 2019
Two weeks later. Husband and I cranky, annoyed and frantically cleaning.
Both: Never again.
Me: I’m the most tired.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 11, 2019
Husband: I’m the most tired.
Me: I’m the most most tired.
Them: It’s not a competition.
Married people: Oh, but it is.
You'll never truly know how strong your relationship is until you and your husband assemble Ikea furniture together.— Melanie Gibson (@sugarwits) April 2, 2019
Up until yesterday, my husband thought the term wading pool actually meant "waiting pool".. as in the pool you wait in when the big pool is too full.— Ｍｏｍｚｉｌｌａ (@milliondollrfam) April 5, 2019
Married sex is like traveling. It takes planning, the conditions need to be right, and everyone has to pee before getting started.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 13, 2019
“Sorry babe, but you can’t eat cookies in the gym’s sauna and then sweat them out.”— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 2, 2019
-my husband, crushing my dreams
Let’s get married so instead of drinking and dancing we can spend Friday night at Home Depot and the rest of the weekend in a fight.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 13, 2019
My husband is mad i'm not watching him pack for a work trip so yes marriage is fun— 🇺🇸Elisabeth🇺🇸 (@YourMomsucksTho) April 14, 2019
My wife seduced me into the bedroom with “I’ve got something to show you.” Yeah, it was estimates for new bedroom furniture.— Josh Pivots Slowly (@Tryptofantastic) March 24, 2019
Me: Hey girl-— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 2, 2019
Me: -are you a tube of toothpaste-
Wife: Please stop
Me: -because I like squeezing you from the bottom.
Wife: Oh. Okay. I like that one.