Rebounder, Rejoice!

If you likewise find yourself in a similarly not-so-merry situation, here's the best holiday advice that I offer: give yourself the.
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Last holiday season wasn't the best for me romantically. My ex and I waved the white flag on Christmas Eve after being called out on our joint unhappiness by a total stranger sitting across the bar from us. When kindly barflies can sniff out a couple's soured eggnog and hands you $20 on the way out because he feels so freaking awful for you (true story), you know it's time to make some changes. In that way, "the most wonderful time of the year" can also be the most awful time of the year when Santa gives your heart a lump of coal for Christmas, since literally every decoration and song and ritual is designed to celebrate the wonderment of togetherness.

If you likewise find yourself in a similarly not-so-merry situation, here's the best holiday advice that I offer: give yourself the gift of rebounding.

It might sound tawdry, but a 2009 study from the University of Toronto found that rebound relationships don't necessary deserve the negative reputation we've assigned to them (despite a dearth of data in support of anti-rebound rhetoric). Sure, it's good to give your psyche some time to recover from emotional whiplash and whatnot, but it can also be crucial to sever the ties that bind. And rebounding might be the sharpest pair of scissors to cut that cord.

Rebound relationships can be beneficial specifically to those with an anxious attachment style. Evolutionarily, attachment is a positive by-product of coupling that drives humans to seek out stable partners for support, comfort and protection. Not surprisingly, we all deal with that urge a little differently. On one end of the spectrum, some of us operate out of avoidant attachment, dodging intimate proximity, whereas others on the opposite end manifest anxious attachment, characterized by a more fervent need or desire for close relationship. Neurologically, we react to the loss of such attachment by going through a withdrawal process similar to what cocaine addicts experience when their supply runs dry. (Say what you will about the loony bin absurdity of Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal's on-screen romance, the title of "Love & Other Drugs" speaks the truth, brain-wise.)

The Toronto researchers found that rebounding reaped the most dividends for anxious attachment types since they have the hardest time letting go of their past partner; even the possibility of a rebound tempered their breakup blues. Why? Because it re-instilled confidence that other potential partners existed and that, no, humans aren't mystically matched up in a one-to-one ratio -- a basic bit of common sense that can easily elude the heart-sore. (For a checklist of whether rebounding might be helpful, HuffPo contributor Mary Darling Montero has you covered.)

This isn't to say that we should leapfrog around in order to delay heartache, but as someone who had tended toward the anxious side of the attachment spectrum, I wish I had seen this scholarship last holiday season. By assuming that rebound relationships are inherently negative, perhaps we allow ourselves to lick our wounds too long rather than moving forward. Or in academic speak from University of Toronto: "Given the significant negative consequences associated with pining for an ex-partner (from sadness to stalking), it appears that entering a new relationship may be a reasonable way to facilitate the process of letting go."

So if you're dealing with those dissolved attachment woes, it's wise to remember that there isn't a foolproof, must-do way to move forward. In other words, forget about the baseless stereotypes and consider giving the rebound a chance.

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