Simply put, a matchmaker is someone that helps bring two like-minded people together in order to arrange a compatible couple in hopes for marriage. Although the current notion of marriage includes feelings of romance, attraction and love and courting a respective mate, that hasn’t always been the case.
Throughout history marriage has been seen as a union of man and wife that was arranged with some sort of financial gain, societal status and/or family lineage in mind. First, as a matter of practicality where land and material property were exchanged or combined to create a manageable economic structure to sustain a family unit. Later, in 1140, the Benedictine monk Gratian, developed the concept of consent into formalized marriages, where matchmakers were now required to create unions based not only on inheritance and property, but on the belief that a couple would live harmoniously together and enjoy each other’s company.
Arranged marriages are no longer en vogue in today’s modern society and the role of a matchmaker has evolved significantly.
Matchmakers are specialists assisting men and women in finding love, the same way a tax account or personal trainer may assist someone to keep their finances straight or their bodies toned. Just like a tax accountant or personal trainer, there is money involved in hiring a matchmaker, but most matchmakers are in the business for love, not money. The modern day matchmaker seeks to connect two loving, beating hearts and the successful ones are the bridge that bring people together that would never otherwise meet and make this process stress-free and rewarding.
The perception of Matchmakers, from the lens created by the reality television show The Millionaire Matchmaker, which glorifies matchmakers, is that of two things. First, Matchmakers only work with successful shallow male clients who will spend the money in order find that model/arm candy type. Second is that Matchmakers set clients up on dates in order to meet a quota that is directly related to the amount of money the client pays to the service.
Well that is not the case for Selective Search...
After reading my article Matchmaker Set Me Up On A Date With A Gold Digger #WTF!, they reached out to me to shed a better light on the matchmaking industry and better educate me on the role of a matchmaker. Skeptical at first, as the company’s basic search fee starts at $25k – there is also a young executive program at a lower price point – I was intrigued to hear more about how a modern executive matchmaking company can see past the gold and focus on the one thing that matters most; their client’s hearts.
I spoke with Mitch Berk, CEO of Selective Search, the upscale personalized matchmaking service, who better defined what the matchmaking process is and what the motivation of his company is all about. Berk saw the industry as, “primary, setting up clients on numerous dates,” and instead focused his company solely for the purpose of long-term, committed relationships.” He along with founder and partner Barbie Adler, have built the company off a model used in the executive recruiting space by leading firms and attributes its success to its proprietary Meet Your Future process – a sophisticated step-by-step process that assures the firm’s Clients and Affiliates are introduced to each other based on the delivery of 300 quality data points.
In regards to the first issue of cost, Berk acknowledges that the fee his clients pay – note Selective Search works with both male (85%) and female (15%) clients – is substantial but explains that, “there is no price too great for finding true love.” The company believes that “cost is a function of result” and that when dealing with “affairs of the heart, there is nothing more important in one’s life than being in a happy, loving, committed relationship.”
He emphatically closes this issue by stating that Selective Search is an “executive Matchmaking firm. We are not a dating service.” Instead of setting up members on numerous dates, Berk says that, “we take each assignment very personal and are committed to our client’s happiness.” For them it is quality over quantity and they always do “what we say we are going to do.”
Run like a major financial institution, the company has significant structure, financial controls and operating checks and balances which extend to each area of the Matchmaking product itself. Along with its most valuable asset, the aforementioned Meet Your Future process, the company employs 84 matchmakers and staff – the majority of which are based in Chicago and have been carefully chosen following Berk and Adler’s six criteria to succeed (explained more below) – scouts and marketing professionals, who all combine to deliver a superior product.
Becoming a matchmaker at Selective Search isn’t easy. The company is proud of its exhaustive search and training process that makes sure they have the best staff available.
Berk better explains his six criteria. “First we look for people that are the best human beings possible, those that are grounded and compassionate. Second we find those who have great empathy for others. People who can understand what someone is going through at various times of their lives. Third, we seek people with passion. A Matchmakers job not 9-5. Selective Search Matchmakers are thinking about sourcing Clients or finding Affiliates all the time wherever they may be. Fourth, our staff needs to be resilient and understand how to deal with the up-and-downs of life. Our Clients go through are so many emotional swings when it comes to dating. Fifth everyone at Selective Search needs to be consistent, there is no break in love. Finally, and possibly most importantly, our staff has to be respectful and committed to providing each of our Clients and Affiliates with the best experience possible. They need to realize that they have the responsibility for a person’s well-being in their hands. This requires each of our staff members to be the unique mix of matchmaker, therapist, concierge, helper and anything else the Clients want.”
Berk concludes that, “we are blessed to work every day in an industry whose goal is to make someone happy.” And their odds are better than others to fulfill this goal as Selective Search has an outreach of over 300,000 people in their Affiliate database, which makes the Selective Search database largest of any Matchmaking firm in North America.
Do you think $25k+ is too much/too little in finding your soul mate? How much would you spend on a matchmaker? Share your comments below