Food & Drink

Reddit's Commitment To Sh***y Food Porn Continues To Astound Us (PHOTOS)

You guys have NOT learned your lesson. Thank goodness.

When we first ventured to catalogue the most spectacular examples of Reddit's Shitty Food Porn, we already knew there would have to be a second volume. There was too much sad, ugly gold to fit it all into one edition. Readers, we're happy to say: today, that second volume has arrived.

The Shitty Food Porn sub-Reddit has really upped its game. This time around, we had to wade through fields of ill-advised mac and cheese creations, depressing desk lunches and late-night moments of desperation to find our favorites. Reddit, as ever, you did not disappoint. We love you and we want to talk to you about your food choices. Let's work through this together. If you keep this up, there might just be a Part 3.

1. "I had a hankering for some Indian dessert." - Dicks_In_The_Wind

This was the shitty food that launched a thousand ships (and by that we mean part two). We saw this post just after publishing our first edition of The Best of Reddit's Shitty Food Porn, and have been laughing so hard we're crying ever since. A for effort, man.

2. "Lunch." - ElNewbs

Is everything okay? Do you need to talk to someone?

3. "It's literally just a tortilla with Sriracha." - spud_of_anus

Bonus points for honesty.

4. "The meatloaf turned out not so moist." - LegacyZXT

At least you had the foresight to make some broccoli.

5. "Leftover Chile's Chicken Dippers with a Halved Loaded Baked Potato Appetizer on the side and presented on a Pilaf of Uncle Ben's Asian Style Rice." - therobotjeff

Your digestive tract called. It said you should go straight to hell.

6. "Work van lunch on the go. Ice cold, pre-cooked hamburgers, covered in hardened grease, dipped in mustard. Shitty Instagram filter for added food porn effect." - JBFRESHSKILLS

Bonus points for presentation. Big, big hugs for how sorry we are that you ate this for lunch in your van. I'm tearing up just thinking about this.

7. "Homemade Doritos Locos Taco" - jimmythetoast

I can tell you without reservation that you are DOIN' IT WRONG.

8. "Expectation vs Reality" - granadoeric

Holy hell, these are terrifying.

9. "Hey kids, who wants some delicious pumpkin pie?" - CaptainKate757

: (

10. "Back to school special: ramen, Cheez-Its, and Tapatio!" - purplehatreddit

You're a student, so consider this a lesson: Cheez-Its OR ramen. Or. Not and.

11. "Microwave burrito served with Doritos, a dollop of cheese dip, a discounted bottle of lemonade and 1 Magnum ice cream bar." - Yoko337

Dietitians will tell you that the more colorful your food is, the healthier it is. Neon yellow/orange is not the color they are referring to.

12. "'Vegetarian sub' at my high school." - aborteddinosaur

We loved school. This makes us hate school. Your school is a jerk.

13. "Baked beans with spray can cheezy product and mayonnaise smear." - Officer_HotDog

Mayonnaise?? GET OUT.

14. "Crème brûlée." - allieriggs

Excellent use of diacritics in a Reddit post notwithstanding, you really f***ed this one up.

15. "Cheese platter." - Bumpercluts

Well... kind of.

16. "Vanilla wafer cereal." - esh484

For a moment, try to imagine the sound someone attempting to eat this "cereal" would have to make. You're welcome. Now never try this.

17. "Aldi burgers with peanut butter and cream cheese on a bed of tasty cheddar." - mystery666

While melting shredded cheese directly onto a plate and eating it is an old Shitty Food Porn standard, it never ceases to amaze us. Dude, peanut butter and cream cheese and burgers AND cheddar? Have you ever heard of lettuce?

18. "Canned Vienna Sausage and Italian-Style Wedding soup cooked in the dirty break-room microwave." - phylop

Whoa. This is one too many cans. Also, of course your break room microwave is dirty. They can barely pay you enough to afford food -- did you expect cleaning supplies? I don't want to be too harsh, because it's clear that you're going through some serious shit, but Vienna Sausages are not the answer. Not now, not ever.

19. "Poured ranch dressing over pretzel pieces and ate it like a bowl of cereal." - alapanamo

I'm really torn on whether I admire the ingenuity of this one or think it's one of the worst things I've ever seen. First, and this is a safe space, so I want you to answer honestly: have you ever met a real ice cream sundae? Would you like to? We could make that happen for you, if it would help.

20. "Pizza swimming in spaghetti rings." - ibmthinkpad

What the hell do you think you're doing? You can afford pizza. Pizza. Do you understand what that means? 1) Stop buying SpaghettiO's! What are you, nine? 2) You could have spent that SpaghettiO's money on something productive for pizza-dipping like ranch dressing or hot sauce! 3) Sorry for yelling. I just want to make sure that you know there are people out there who love you. You don't have to do this anymore. We'll find another way.

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1
At Least Your Pasta Does Not Smile Back
Flickr: mojodaisy
No more SpaghettiO's, ever, guys. Photo via Flickr user mojodaisy
2
Does Your Pasta Look Like This?
Flickr: jofishtrick
Then you're doing better than you think. Photo via Flickr user jofishtrick
3
Seems Legit
Imgur: DaveLambert
We really cannot stress this enough: use a really big pot to cook pasta. It needs room. For exactly this reason. Photo via Imgur
4
So Close, Yet So Far
Phil Denton
Note to self: buy a colander. Photo via Flickr user Phil Denton
5
At Least You Stayed Awake For Your Pasta
These kids just cannot get it together.
6
Hot Dog Spaghetti
Imgur: thatkoreanguy
Please guys, for the love of all that is holy, stop making these. They are not cute. They are horrible. THEY LOOK LIKE WORMS, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?? YOU ARE FEEDING YOUR CHILDREN WORMS! Ahem. Sorry. Photo via imgur
7
Seriously, Enough
Flickr: zanthrax-dot-nl
WORMS, PEOPLE. Photo via Flickr user zanthrax-dot-nl
8
Everything Is Wrong
Flickr: wildandcrazyguy
Pasta: totally serviceable. Accoutrements: utterly horrifying. Photo via Flickr user wildandcrazyguy
9
At Least You Did Not Almost Lose A Hand
10
So Thirsty. Need Sauce.
Flickr: fugzu
Send help. Photo via Flickr user fugzu
11
It Does Seem Like It Was Important To Share This
Flickr: jlastras
Thank goodness the world saw it. The internet is great. : ( Photo via Flickr user jlastras
12
Lasagna? Is That You?
Flickr: .angels.
Something just doesn't seem right. Photo via Flickr user .angels.
13
What Have You Done?
Flickr: marycsalome
Pasta cannot swim. If you drown it in sauce, it will die. Let that be a lesson to you. Photo via Flickr user marycsalome
14
Tuna Noodle Nightmare
Flickr: Micah Sittig
Presented without comment. Photo via Flickr user Micah Sittig
15
We Can't.
Flickr: jeffreyw
We just can't. Photo via Flickr user jeffreyw
16
Welp.
Imgur: nukayon
Did you cook your pasta in an actual pot on an actual stove? Our work is pretty much done here. Photo via Imgur