"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller
And then ... it happened.
Someone you really like (or even love) has just ended your relationship.
You've replayed the break-up in your mind a million times.
What they did. What they said. How they said it. What they didn't say.
You're spinning through painful questions, trying to find a reason for why it all fell apart.
"Is he still in love with his ex? Is that why he left?"
"I've probably gained a few pounds since we met. That must be why..."
"I've been so distracted with work, lately. I'm such a terrible boyfriend. No wonder she wanted to go..."
"Why aren't I enough? Why didn't he (or she) want me? What's WRONG with me?"
All the self-help books tend to say the same thing:
"Don't take it personally. Rejection is not personal."
But when you're grieving a recent break-up, those words are hard to comprehend.
Still, those words are true. Rejection is never personal. It's never really "about" you.
And I'm about to explain why -- with a story. Starring you.
Think of it like this:
Imagine walking into a hospital to donate blood.
You're so happy to be there, knowing that you're about to do something generous and wonderful: give life to someone who needs it.
You make your donation, and the nurse carries it away to the storage area.
Just then, a man is rushed into the ER, assisted by an attendant. He's quickly checked in, and then seated next to you in the waiting area... as a nurse approaches to take his vitals. You learn he's been in an accident and he needs blood.
"Take mine!" You say. "I've got plenty. I just donated -- it's right over there! I'd love to help you!"
At first, he says, "Thank you so much! You're a life saver!" But then, after considering for a moment and remembering a few things about himself, he says, "Wait... which blood type are you?"
"O Positive."
"Oh. I'm A Negative. Which means I can't accept your blood. But thank you so much for offering."
In this scenario, would you feel hurt and wounded?
Would you be angry at the man for not accepting what you offered, so freely?
Would you feel awful about yourself and re-play his "rejection" in your mind for weeks?
Of course not.
You'd think to yourself:
"Good thing there's someone out there who can give him what he needs.
And good thing there's someone out there who needs what I can give."
The fact that this man doesn't want your blood does NOT mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means he has different requirements. It's nothing personal.
This story is very dramatic, of course. But it illustrates why being rejected has nothing to do with your worthiness or desirability, as a human being.
To drive the point home:
The fact that your ex doesn't want you does NOT mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means he (or she) has different preferences. It's nothing personal.
And for somebody else?
You're a goddess. A miracle. A fantasy.
Pure nourishment & delight.
Life, itself.
So the next time you're going through a break-up, remind yourself:
It's OK to feel disappointed, but ...
There is nothing wrong with me.
For somebody else?
I am a living dream.
...
Dr. Suzanne Gelb is a clinical psychologist and professional life coach.
She believes that it is never too late to become the person you want to be. Strong. Confident. Calm. Creative. Free of all of the burdens that have held you back -- no matter what has happened in the past.
Her insights on personal growth have been featured on more than 200 radio programs, 200 TV interviews and online at Time, Forbes, Newsweek, NBC's Today, The Daily Love, MindBodyGreen, and much more.
Step into her virtual office at DrSuzanneGelb.com, explore her blog, book a coaching session, check out her "Life Guide On How To Navigate Being Single--And Savor Your Dating Adventure", and / or sign up to receive a free meditation and her bi-weekly writings on health, happiness and self-respect.
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always contact your health practitioner before beginning any new personal growth or health practice.
photo credit: Mending a Broken Heart via photopin (license)