How many of you gals out there would like to send the men you meet trying to find Mr. Right to charm school? Imagine that those men learned how to really look at you and listen. Their bachelor pad had all the comforts a girl could want. This is not some pie in the sky dream. You may be meeting a man near you who is skilled in the art of seduction, love, conversation and who can possibly even make a mean pasta pomodoro.
Learning to be Mr. Right is not just for losers. According to Jordan Harbinger, who has a law degree and a BA in international commerce, who runs a coaching and seminar business called The Art of Charm, most of the men, from Michigan to Mumbai are ultra successful doctors, lawyers, technology geniuses -- the kind of guys your mom would want you to marry, except that they aren't. Not yet.
Most of the men have hearts of gold, they just can't converse without slumping, umming, mumbling or staring at your boobs. But after they get schooled in the art of charm, these guys, who want to find Mrs. Right, are transformed from Neanderthals to gentlemen.
Harbinger calls it Boot camp. And the workshops really take place military style with bunk beds and all the stuff you think about that creates true camaraderie from making chow to pillow talk. Harbinger says it's not complicated. The simple reason he puts men in close quarters is that men kind of need to be forced to bond. And when you put them together, not only do unlikely alliances form between 18 and 40 year olds, but they really start to open up to insights from each other and get a true perspective on themselves, their behavior and how it impacts meeting and forming lasting relationships with women.
"They get feedback from each other that they don't get from friends," says Harbinger. "Setting aside ego is a must for learning. We don't let guys get a room Roosevelt so they can't wimp out on the lessons either." It's pretty smart psychology; Harbinger has made his intensive trainings a kind of capsule for creating intimacy. The very thing women complain that men lack.
When it comes down to it, Harbinger says, men make all kinds of excuses for not meeting the right women, but bottom line is that they don't trust that they are good guys. Take the Lawyer from London who said he was good with people, but not good with meeting people. They put him around hundreds of beautiful women but he still couldn't connect.
The heart of what's holding men back from finding the right relationship is basic: fear of rejection. In short, Harbinger is cutting through all the limiting self talk, bad body language, excuses and, at the core, is teaching authenticity. When women see the real you they know what they get and are either attracted to you or not. Better to find out in the beginning rather than getting a rude surprise down the road when they realize that the man they "bought" pulled a bait and switch.
Harbinger's methods are a sort of combination sports commentary and reality TV show. The video commentary is "like a game tape. It's like we're taking an athlete and breaking down his moves. We replay their body language and conversation and make corrections so they can improve their 'game'."
In the intensive video training the guys can see their poor posture, their absence of conversational prowess and their ultimately their lack of confidence -- a deal breaker for most women. Then they get to try their skills out in the real world a la reality TV.
Harbinger and his workshop leaders put their men on the street in simple exercises like starting a conversation with a woman the participant wants to date. Back inside boot camp they do "hands on" exercises where women trainers give the men feedback on their impressions of their approach and conversation.
One of the proudest graduates from The Art of Charm is James, a high school drop out who was brilliant, but didn't believe it. A wireless network communications expert, he taught himself solely through the library. When he attended a program in Nebraska he was really heavy, sloppy, and wore sweats, T-shirts and crocks. He was reclusive and and still a virgin at age 28. Not woman magnet material.
After James completed the program, he lost 100 pounds and now travels all over the world creating networks for AT&T. He started his own company and dates women from every corner of globe. He credits the Art of Charm for helping him create the life he has today. "We're doing a service to women everywhere by changing men from jerks to confident, charismatic guys who are free to be themselves," says Harbinger. Single or married, who doesn't want that?
Jordan Harbinger is a relationship expert and radio talk show host on SiriusXM Satellite Radio's 'Game On', which airs every Friday from 5-7pm PST. Jordan is also a co-founder of The Art of Charm, a New York and Los Angeles-based company that specializes in teaching men advanced social skills both in business and networking.