So I had a photoshoot today, it was spur of the moment and it was raining but it was incredible.
For most of my life I have wanted to be invisible, I have been very insecure about my physical appearance being so overweight. I have very few photos of me during childhood through to well into my late 20's. Being in front of a camera would mean that there was actual evidence, proof that I looked the way that I did.
Having people touch me, judge me, having to wear "nice" clothing as opposed to whatever would fit and hide my body, and knowingly putting myself in a position where I would be on camera was completely off of my radar for a very long time. The actual thought would have made me cringe with fear a few years ago.
Today it was a further reminder of how your life can change when you make a conscious effort to work daily at what scares you and makes you uncomfortable. It was cold and it was not glamorous in the least, I plastered a smile on my face, had my glasses in my pocket, messy hair from the wet and INCREDIBLE energy all around me. Knowing that I had grown so much in myself that I could comfortably be in this experience, that I had invited this experience and that I actually enjoyed this experience was a very gratifying moment of truth.
Beyond my mental and emotional growth around my physical appearance, there was an educational component to today of learning to let go of the HOW and lean into the experience. Many, many times in my life I have become consumed and let's be honest, slightly obsessed with controlling situations in my life. From jobs to relationships I always had to be in control of everything around me, and when I wasn't able to control the situation I was deeply uncomfortable and often frustrated or angry.
There are many times, experiences and situations in life that we think and feel that we can control, but when it really comes down to it the only thing in life that we have control over is ourselves. Anything other than that is outside our realm of control. When we find ourselves in situations that we have no power over the outcome, it can be terrifying. It can feel suffocating, limiting and frustrating. Often when we feel those energies seeping in we lose our focus, our train of thought becomes derailed and our message is no longer as clear.
By learning and practising how to control our emotions, how to stay calm and appreciate the humour in life, we are growing exponentially. That behaviour is so expansive, it really creates space for you to have more positive energy, to remain calm and to walk through the storm. I have a friend who often says "With chaos comes clarity" and I never truly understood what she meant by that until recently.
When we are living in chaos, suddenly intention and desires are much clearer. Though we may sometimes not know what we want, we can clearly identify what we don't want. Learning how to release the "how" of a situation is incredibly freeing, as tying your energy up in something that you have no power in is wasteful. When you identify those energy leaks within your life and plug them it becomes easier for more abundance to come to you with ease.
If the goal is to have more abundance and freedom in your life, the leaks need to be repaired so that you can fill yourself back up.
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