If you’ve watched the news or been on the internet this year you probably have seen countless apologies (or non-apologies) from celebrities and politicians for their myriad misgivings- actions recorded and distributed through the internet- and actions for which they apologized- using the internet. The use of the internet and technology for sinning and then making apologies and initiating teshuvah is becoming more and more popular with the increased use of text messaging, the internet and social media.
Not only do our interactions with tvs, cell phones, tablets and computers change our ability to relate socially, our memory is also changed. We are no longer required to remember facts and stories, since we can now look them up on the internet faster than we can find the words to describe them.
We remember events differently now- but we still remember them.
We are still transformed by the events of our lives; it’s just that the events of our lives now include watching videos of things we could never experience in a face to face interaction and forming relationships with people we would have never met before telephones and the internet.
I’m not here to offer a doomsday report of the ways in which technology has degraded our society. Actually, I’m here to say that yes, technology has changed us- and we have to make sure it changes us for the better.
Technology has become a way for us to get information out quickly to a large group of people. This can be helpful in the case of emergency or spreading good news. It has also become a way for people to spread tough news more easily. Many people say that they find out about friends’ illnesses and accidents most often from internet sites like facebook. This is a great way to use technology to bring communities together.
Our ways of communicating have changed- we no longer take the time to carefully think out everything we say or type now that we live in the world of instant gratification and communication. When we send an e-mail or post something to facebook, we expect immediate response. In some ways this can be good for us in terms of gathering information and sharing with our community, but it can also be very harmful. We share things through technology that we would maybe never share in a face to face conversation.
We live at the same time in the world of intimate live community, and somewhat anonymous (and seemingly safe) virtual community.
These changes in our social interactions have also changed how we approach Teshuva both in terms of the kinds of transgressions for which we atone, as well as the way we atone for them. Consider an example from the news. A 24 year old teacher went out with her friends to celebrate a birthday. She posted a picture in which she is holding a drink at a bar. The next day she is called to her boss’s office and he fires her because he saw the picture she had posted. She was engaging in legal activity, but did not consider the ramifications of posting the picture- her boss said it did not set a good example for her students and used it as grounds for her termination. This teacher’s problem was an example of the challenge we all face in a time when the internet records everything yet forgets nothing. How can this woman move on from her perceived public transgression? Some say that the permanent record means that there can be no second chances in life and no way to move past the incident that has harmed your reputation. It may be true that while technology has made our lives easier, it has also made transgression easier, given the impression that transgression with a record is unfixable- it has made teshuvah harder…but not impossible.
Many of us have experienced this moment- we sit down at our computers or hear a bling from our phone- and there it is- a facebook friend request from our boss, mom, boyfriend, or rabbi. A few weeks ago this happened to me. At first I felt excited, followed by discomfort, then curiosity to go back and look at my online record of memories. I decided that before I could respond, I had to see what my electronic history was all about. I decided to review my history of facebook, e-mails, and everything from google. While what I found wasn’t embarrassing videos of illegal activities- but a lot of fleeting thoughts and ridiculous comments that reflected my 20 year old self. I’ve grown a lot since then- but there it was before me- a record of my past electronic self. I painstakingly went through each and every post. I saw remnants of who I was at the age of twenty- who my friends were. Which friendships have grown since then, and which friendships I had let sour. Before I could delete each post and each message, I knew I had to find a way to make teshuvah for each time I had inadvertently hurt someone else, or even more often- hurt myself through the messages I put out to the world. I’m grateful for this chance to be able to literally go through the record of my past and find ways to atone for my transgressions and heal past relationships- but what do we do with that record now that we have moved on from it?
The Babylonian Talmud (Jewish commentary text from 3-5 centuries) states that we have the obligation not to remind others of their past transgressions based on the assumption that they have atoned for their sins (B. Talmud, Baba Metzia 58). In the small towns of the Babylonian Talmud any kind of gossip or misdeed was a terrible sin because of the close living quarters and long institutional memory. But now we know that those small towns were much more forgiving than the global village in which we now live- where much of what we do every day could be considered slander by the rabbis of the Talmud. But the rabbis acknowledged the forgiving nature of God and humans- we read in our High Holy Day liturgy that once we have truly atoned for our sins, they are wiped from God’s record book.
While there still may be a record on the internet or perhaps in the hearts of those whom we have hurt, if we make heartfelt, honest, and complete teshuvah, we can erase the record that really counts. If we truly atone for our sins, we can know that even if the record of internet posts, emails, or texts were to resurface, we have worked to heal the past and do better in the future.
I believe that God has a better record of my transgressions than is held anywhere else anyway- and I also believe that by asking forgiveness of others and of myself, I can work to clear that record and begin anew.
When we make teshuvah for a sin with a record- we need to acknowledge that record. We need to work to repair the damage done, accepting the fact that the memory of the transgression will live into eternity. We need to ask forgiveness of the person we have harmed- but in the age of the internet, we need to go one step further. We need to forgive ourselves and take steps to utilize the technology to make sure we do not make the same error again. We need to say- this is something I did in the past and I am sorry for it and I will try my hardest not to do it again. And we need to know that at any point in the future, someone or something may remind us of that transgression.
If we haven’t fully made teshuvah with the other person and with ourselves, the transgression will feel like it keeps happening again and again and again.
So how do we make complete teshuvah in the digital age? First we explore the nature of our transgression by taking account of our actions, whom we have hurt, what motivated our actions? Did the transgression take place through technology? Is there a record of our hurtful behavior? Then we have to approach the person we have harmed and apologize for what we have done. If the wrong we committed dealt with technology or social media- we need to acknowledge it- and try to turn it into a record of the past and benchmark for change rather than a constant reminder of the hurt.
Finally, it is important that we make those same amends to ourselves and not continue to punish ourselves for our actions of the past once we have made teshuvah.
In our Yom Kippur liturgy we have several opportunities to acknowledge our own sins as well as the sins of the community. We ask forgiveness for the sins we have committed under a large group of categories such as- knowingly or unknowingly, in public or in private, by gossip and slander. Many efforts have been made to amend this prayer, making it more relevant for our contemporary times. However, in looking at this prayer typically referred to as “al cheyt” - I can find ways in which we commit these sins using technology- these sins that have been recorded in our liturgy for a thousand years- still apply in our digital age- we just have to look a little bit harder to find that we’ve committed them.
And for the sin which we have committed before You by hard-heartedness. – refusing to return a phone call because I don’t want to hear what the other person has to say
For the sin which we have committed before You inadvertently.- for writing a facebook comment that insulted someone without intending it to do so
And for the sin which we have committed before You openly or secretly.- for using technology in ways that are unhealthy for me
And for the sin which we have committed before You through speech.- by speaking ill of others online or by using e-mail or text messaging as a way to insult someone
And for the sin which we have committed before You by verbal [insincere] confession.- by posting a blanket apology online without really intending to make true amends
For the sin which we have committed before You by disrespect for parents and teachers.- for badmouthing my parents or boss or teachers online
And for the sin which we have committed before You by foolish talk.- by spreading that article about a celebrity’s family problems or speaking insensitive words in a serious time
And for the sin which we have committed before You by desecrating the Divine Name.- for bragging about going to a concert or baseball game instead of Shabbat services
This is the new face of teshuvah. When we use technology to sin there can be a lasting record of our transgression on the internet or a hard drive. That seemingly innocent post you made about someone’s haircut, or wedding colors, or whatever will live on way past the time you asked forgiveness. What do we do then? How can we make teshuvah when the record remains?
Use the record technology leaves behind as a tool for your growth-
Go through your e-mails, your text messages, your facebook page or whatever other technology you use- and if you find anything that may have been hurtful to you or someone else- atone for it, delete it, and move on knowing that you will try not to make the same mistakes again.
For all these Sins-no matter what medium we used to commit them, o God- Forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement. Help us to use technology as a tool for our growth and not for transgression, and help us heal from our wrongs so that we may better serve you and our world.