WASHINGTON - Mere hours after President Barack Obama announced that he would "veto any legislation that came from intransigent Republicans that would burden our richest 1 percent of Americans and wildly profitable corporations with unfair tax hikes," a bill crafted by John Boehner (R-Ohio) and Eric Cantor (R-Virginia) that did precisely that passed swiftly through the House and Senate.
"What the president fails to understand is that it is the patriotic duty of every wealthy American to give back to the country that has been the engine of their prosperity," declared Cantor.
"With record deficits, wars that have gone unpaid-for and crippling unemployment, the president once again proves he doesn't get it," Boehner added. "By irresponsibly insisting to veto any Republican legislation that allows our job-creating citizens to actually create jobs, the president is playing a potentially disastrous game of chicken with the American people."
The measure passed 320-115 in the House and 97-3 in the Senate. Obama quickly signed the bill into law.
Slowly realizing what Obama had just done, Cantor's head slumped, his chin resting on his chest, and groaned, "Aw, fuck!"