Rising and Ice Cream

Today is a new day. And today I have shit to say.

First, this was a big week for me, tabling Tuesday for a moment. Monday was my birthday. I never got a chance to give thanks for all the well-wishes, sweet words, cords of connection, humor and love. Speaking of love, yesterday was also my anniversary. Three married years to a dear man I’ve spent the better part of almost two decades learning from, loving, growing with and alongside, and partnering to create and foster the two most beautiful souls I’ve ever encountered.

But despite the celebration, yesterday was hard. I cried myself to sleep for the first time in ages Tuesday night. Once at work, still deep in grief and shock, I got a call. Hazel was hurt — haven fallen. She was ok, still, the torrent of tears recommenced. I drove quickly and arrived to find my girl banged, bruised and a little bloody. But resilient. Then came the ice-cream, and alongside it joy. In that moment I knew that joy would come again. As it always does. And I was grateful.

I’ve realized the crux of why I’m heartbroken. I know we are wired to see things from our own perspective and I know this likely isn’t a universal truth. With this lens, I want to state clearly I mean no disrespect to the 1/2 of the US who voted in a different manner. However, for me, my vote was about the WE. The sum of our American parts: equal rights, loving thy “you look/act/love different” neighbor, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for each and every one of us. It was about fairness, faith, unity, protection, equality. It was about hope for a greater world. One where all have a seat at the table with equally sturdy legs, comfort, and height. A world and life where love surpasses fear. From what I’ve seen (understanding that’s not all that exists and honoring that fact), the winning votes felt about the ME, what have you done for me lately, my comfort, my worry that others are fearful, my finances, my way of life, my belief, faith, fear and anger. This is not about good-heartedness, rather a perspective that the world is bigger than me and mine.

I desperately wanted the WE to win. And in my despair I started thinking more and more about Noelle. Her wants. Her desire and core tenets. Her anger and fear, which started taking hold in the dark recesses of my soul, where without tending, could easily turn into the same disregard, distrust and distaste I feel is a systemic problem. But today, I’ve realized an election does not decide what wins. WE decide that. Just as the collective decided our next president, so we decide our next, right step. And the one after that. So today I rise up. I hope you’ll all join me. Let the 10th of November be another special day. A coming together and a rallying cry. Let’s get to work. And get some damn ice-cream.

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