I had a road rage experience a few weeks ago that's had me pondering how people become so angry and who is raising them to be so hostile, entitled, and disrespectful.
First off, I have to admit that I was responsible for instigating the encounter by slowing down -- significantly -- when this man came up on my car's tail end really fast and unrelentingly as I was getting on the freeway. Instead of just zooming around me once the lanes opened up, this man came up beside me, rolled down his window and motioned for me to do the same. So, I rolled down my window.
"Why were you slowing down like that?" he yelled.
"Why were you tailgating me like that? I asked in response.
After a flurry of cuss words and nasty names called, his final statement made my blood boil: "You need to show some respect." Then he swerved toward my car in a threat to hit me and sped off.
WHAT?? I need to show him respect?? I was minding my own business, driving along at the speed limit when he blasted up, apparently dead set on putting his Buick in my car's trunk.
As I said, I've been wondering how people get like that. Did his mother raise him like that? Was he abused as a child? Would he say something like that to his own mother or sister? How does he treat his wife/girlfriend, or God forbid, his kids?
Is this the type of guy who perpetuates "rape culture"?
Or does this same guy go home and treat his mother and wife with respect, take his kids to soccer practice, and work 40 hours per week like so many of us do?
I don't have the answers. But I'm certain that my father and brother -- who both have advanced college degrees -- would never verbally assault a woman on the freeway and threaten to hit her with their car.
I would like to say that nobody I know would do something like this. But there are people who do. My guess is that it's easier to take your frustrations and anger out on a stranger than to take it home to someone you live with or see often.
I read articles about so many people -- men and women -- practicing mindfulness, being present, yoga and so on. Where are these people? Are these only the independently wealthy or those comfortable with extreme poverty? Because most of the people I know barely find time to work out and have dinner at the table with their family. Who are these people with time for meditation, yoga and so on?
The thought of the hectic nature of working for a living in the United States leads me to another thought: It seems like there are way more people with depression and anxiety disorder these days. I frequently discover that another friend or family member is on medication for one or both of these mental health issues. I myself am medicated for both and have been for many years.
The way we live today is not what our bodies and minds were built for. This was made crystal clear to me when I was pregnant with my first child in 2007. My doctor had me wean off of my anxiety and depression meds for the duration of my pregnancy. And I felt fine. In fact, I felt fine for nearly six months after I had my daughter without the aid of psychotropic medications.
And then I went back to work and it started to get stressful. My anxiety built and I found myself hyperventilating on a drive to an out-of-town work retreat.
Why was I virtually anxiety-free as a first-time mom on maternity leave, alone with my new daughter while her father was at work?
I asked this question of my chiropractor years later and he had a simple answer: Childbirth is normal. It's what a woman's body was created specifically for. Driving for hours in a car and working eight or more hours a day in an office is not normal for your body or mind.
So much of what is considered "normal" in our lives today is not done in a manner under which our bodies and minds can thrive.
I believe people who are practicing mindfulness, yoga and meditation are trying to get back to a place where our bodies and minds function optimally. I don't know what the solution is to get back to a place in society where most of us treat each other with respect and dignity. We as a people need to stop being driven by fear and hate. We need to be driven by love and tolerance.
Since I am the only one I can truly change, I will focus on what I can do to be loving and demonstrate humility. For starters, the next time someone is tailgating me with a vengeance, I will simply move over and let them be on their way. I allowed my ego to overcome me and lead me to self-righteousness.
In the future, I will do my best to ask myself the following of my words and deeds before I say or do them: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?